The Real House Bitches of NYC: Mz. Chick Tells It Like It Is

All right, bitches!  Mz. Chick is writing this, twating this and watching this all at the same time.  So...umm....you have been warned.  She takes no responsibility if you don't understand this, because she doesn't either.

Cast of Characters:

Jelly Beans: Kelly

The Bitch: Jill

The Countless: Duh

The Divine: Mz. McCord

The Beautiful: Mz. Morgan

Ramona: Fellow Drunken Bitch

The Divine Horse Teeth: Cindy

Jelly Beans, Fellow Drunken Bitch and the Divine are all talking about Fellow Drunken Bitch's birthday party. These bitches are being too nice!  They are turning it into a surprise birthday party for The Beautiful as well.  Nice, but boring!  Lets see some cat-fights bitches!

Reality Buzz twated: @ramonasinger I love the free venue! #RHONY  Hahahahaha!

The Divine Horse Teeth is...um...gulps red wine....selling something.  The Bitch is in attendance (CHUG!!)  Mz. McCord and Simon show up, oh shit, it is about to get good, bitches!!!  Jelly Beans shows up and The Bitch is telling her to get waxed, Jelly Beans tells us she got something out of her mole.  WTF?!?

Whiteheart18 twated: Cindy is having a pussy party #meow #Rhony 

The Divine Horseteeth Twatted: Watching # RHONy the @completelybare part was awesome Simon let me wax him :) Way to much information.  Mz. Chick downs another glass of wine.

MOVING ON...Simon is asking The Bitch to meet somewhere so that way he can talk her into stopping  all the shit talk.  She agrees. Jelly Beans and The Bitch are talking behind Simon's back.  The Bitch and Jelly Beans decide that it is "weird" that Simon wants to talk, and they can't figure out what Simon has issues with.  (Gee, Silly Bitch, do you think it has something to do with you saying he contributes to THE GLORIOUS LYNN's blog, when he doesn't?)

SassNSauce twated: that's a fucking lie. right after season 1 shill started bashing simon in the press

katiebr58 twated: Ur seriously taking advice from koo koo @kellybensimon #RHONY 

Jelly Beans has no idea what is going on in Simon's head.  No one knows what is going on in hers, either.  You crazy bitch!

The Bitch is backing out with lunch on Simon.  Probably because The Bitch knows she is in the wrong and she doesn't want to be called out.  The Countless shows up and starts to talk shit.  Holy shit, bitches!  Apparently, according to the Countless, The Divine needs to put a leash on Simon.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?  THESE BITCHES ARE NUTS.  That seems to be the refrain of the mean girls: The Divine needs to be put Simon on a leash.  And he needs to stop "mean tweeting."  The new buzzword is "mean tweeting."  Damn it!  Mz. Chick needs even more wine.

lori024 twatted: Did Luannn REALLY just say to put a leash on a husband & control what he's doing? Kelly agrees? Wonder y they're divorced... MEAN TWIT!!! MEAN TWAT!!!  MEAN WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!!!!!

Simon vanKempen twated: My twitter feed is public unlike some I dont delete tweets or Facebook posts Where r my cyber bullying tweets  Oh, snap!  Mz. Chick approves of a (metaphorical) bitch slap!

LuAnn tells everyone about....Mz. Chick doesn't give a fuck, she is a bitch and her voice makes Mz. Chick's ears bleed.  Mz. Chick runs to the bathroom because she drank way too much wine.

Various twaters twat: SHUT UP LUANN!

CnutInAKattan twated: "Desperately trying to have relevance with us"?!? WTF? #RHoNY #countesscrackerjacks  WTF?!?  She actually said that?!  Mz. Chick is pissed that she will have to sit through one of the Countless's speeches to see this.

Hahahaha!  The Divine leaves arm in arm with her husband laughing at the idiots while Jelly Beans, The Bitch and The Countless are still meowing.

The Beautiful is fixing her broken toilet. Somehow, this has to do with her not having a husband.  She calls the plumber, but she winds up pulling a Blackberry out of it.  Her Fuck Shhh-way expert comes in and she cries to her over her broken marriage.  Mz. Chick feels bad for The Beautiful.  But this is boring the shit out of her.

UGH.  The Bitch and Jelly Beans are talking about cyber-bullying.  Oh for fucks sake, Mz. Chick is about to jump through her television screen and beat the ever-living-shit out of both of these bitches.  The Bitch and Countless decide that Simon is using them so he can build his business.  WTF?!?!

STFU Jelly Beans.

The Divine and Simon are talking.  Simon is making sure The Divine is not mad at him.  They are talking about The Bitch, The Divine couldn't stand her at first (duh, we knew that, but it was nice for her to admit it!).  The Divine stands by her man! Ahahahaha....The Divine mentioned something about smoking something.  Perhaps Mz. Chick needs to put down what she is smoking and start paying attention.

PARTY TIME!  Fellow Drunken Bitch is setting up people for The Beautiful's surprise.  The Bitch is eating, making sure everything is up to her standards.  Sorry, Bitch, no lamb chops!  The Beautiful doesn't know WTF is going on, Ramona fills her in....everything is very sweet.  BORING!!

Fellow Drunken Bitch is still pissed at The Bitch.  That is why Mz. Chick loves her Fellow Drunken Bitch, she won't let the bitch get away with anything.  She goes up to The Bitch and lets her know.  The Bitch is kissing her ass because her PR people told her to take a break from being such a bitch, plus Bobby slipped her a little something-something to calm her the fuck down.  No hair pulling.  DAMN IT!

More nicey stuff between The Beautiful and Fellow Drunk Bitch.  Sweet, but boring.

Various twatters send sweet and supportive messages to Fellow Drunk Bitch and The Beautiful.

The Divine Horse Teeth talks about how she doesn't miss having a man.  The more you say you don't miss something, the more you do <----Mz. Chick is getting philosophical up in here, bitches!

The Divine Horse Teeth is now with her parents and way to cute babies.  Mz. Chick's rule is in effect: no snarking when adorable babies are present!  Except...um....WTF?  Why can't she take care of her own kids?!?  Selfish bitches shouldn't have kids.

Moving on.

The Divine is meeting with Jelly Beans.  Jelly Beans is late again.  Fuck's sake-mean tweeting-creepy....Simon has a temper, hurting feelings.  Wait, Mz. Chick thought feelings were what happened 1970s?  The Divine tells Jelly Beans to go and talk with him, she ain't putting up with her shit.  Jelly Beans insists she doesn't want to talk about this shit, keeps talking about shit.  Jelly Beans tells The Divine that she is always sticking up for her (WTF?), and she will "ice herself out" if she doesn't tell Simon to go and jump.

Mz. Chick doesn't know what the fuck is going on, polishes off yet another bottle.  All the red wine that would quench the thirst of all of Europe couldn't make Jelly Beans make any sense. Mz. Chick is one confused drunken bitch!

SassNSauce twatted: iced out of what? the "narcissistic evil bitch snake whore club"? #rhony lets build a cabinet for them.

Mz. Chick twatted: @kellybensimon I salute you for being the stupidest bitch ever on reality tv! That is quite the complement! #MeanTweet #rhony  Hahahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is such a bitch when drunk, as she demonstrates once again!

And that is what happened, bitches!

Your Drunken Update of the Day

Holy shit, bitches!!!!  The Gorgeous Lynn of the infamous "I Hate Jill Zarin Blog" sent Mz. Chick a direct message on twater last night (oh, yes she did!), letting Mz. Chick know that she'll feature Mz. Chick's retelling of the shit storm from yesterday.  And she did (you can read all about it here)!  Which explains why Mz. Chick's twater exploded with all the new friends and mentions.  Not only that, she is following Mz. Chick!  Move over, the Divine Mz. McCord, because Mz. Chick has a new twater best friend!  Mz. Chick's goal to becoming a Twater Fame Whore has just become within reach!  Thank you The Gorgeous Lynn!

Mz. Chick would like to thank all of her fellow drunken bitches for the kind comments and twater joins.  Just so people know (because Mz. Chick has had multiple emails and messages about this): anyone is welcome to repost any of the shit that comes out her mouth (which her ass is totally jealous of), whether here or on twater.  Mz. Chick only asks that a link back be included.

Mz. Chick also spent a lot of time yesterday cursing and redesigning the look of this blog.  She doesn't know what the fuck is wrong with the Facebook gadget, but has decided it is Facebook's fault, not hers.  Anyway, she hopes you all enjoy the changes.

One other thing before we get into today's update: Mz. Chick will be twating and writing down her and her fellow drunken bitches reactions to tonight's episode of the Real Housebitches.  She will try to post an update tonight about it, so check back later!

Mz. Chick's goal in life is to post this picture as many times as possible.

Mz. Zarin is very quiet today...and you know Mz. Chick is hitting refresh on that bitches Facebook as much as possible.  She even has an open web page on Mz. Zarin's twater (because the bitch blocked Mz. Chick from following her.  The nerve!).  As of now, she hasn't posted anything on her Facebook, and only posted this on her twater:

Hypocrite, much, Mz. Zarin?  After all, didn't you call The Divine Mz. McCord a "fucking bitch" (mean, vulgar) who was attending a wedding "above her status" (mean)?  Not to mention the whole shit storm from yesterday (MEAN!).  Furthermore, of all the House Bitches on that show, you seem to get bleeped the most (you wouldn't be able to follow Mz. Chick if she were on that show because everything that comes out of her mouth would be bleeped).  Like Mz. Chick said yesterday, you are a silly bitch.  Now, post some more fucked-up shit so that way Mz. Chick can get even more Twater famous, damn you!

And if you are wondering why Mz. Zarin's numbers on the Twater are increasing instead of decreasing today, you can buy followers.  Of course, Mz. Chick has no actual proof that Jill "The Bitch" Zarin is doing this, however, in her drunken state, this is the most reasonable conclusion.  Which leads Mz. Chick into another thought: how fucking pathetic to you have to be to buy followers?

I'm a Vanderbilt, bitch, don't talk to me about class!

Last night, the lovely Anderson Cooper took a swipe at several House Bitches on his show (specifically, those who "sing").  However, he saved his most bitchy comments for the Countless.  After trashing her "title" (she is in line for the throne after that scandal with The Burger King, don't ya know) he went after her, um, "singing" abilities.  Best line of the night: "If you're talking about class, and you are not referring to a room with kids in it, you have none."  If you missed it, you can watch it here, courtesy of Gawker.

Do NOT try to start shit with crazy eyes.

Ramona Singer, one of my favorite fellow drunken bitches, proved once again that she is not above stirring up some shit on the twater.  Here is what she re-twitted, twated, WHAT THE FUCK EVER last night:

Rt "@tcm007: @Bethenny follows 11 people @LynnNChicago is one of them @jillzarin did you block her? @ramonasinger @mccordalex @Bravotv"

Of course, Jill "The Bitch" Zarin never responded.  Mz. Zarin will shortly be shouting at Bobby about how Mz. Zinger (ha-ha!  That was a typo, but Mz. Chick decided to leave it like that, because that is some funny shit) is cyber-bullying her

The Divine Mz. McCord

Andy Cohen must have gotten sick of all the twats directed at him concerning when The Divine Mz. McCord would be on Watch What Happens Live.  He twated that she will be on next week.  It's about time, Mz. Andy!  Is it just Mz. Chick, or do others believe that Mz. Andy favors Mz. Zarin?  Or is it he is just afraid of Mz. Zarin's lawyers?

In Other News....

• Usually, Mz. Chick doesn't engage in politics.  Even she is above all that nonsense.  However, be warned bitches, do not waste a good glass of wine by dumping it on Mrs. Glen Beck, or Mr. Glen Beck will sick his brain damaged minions on you. Of course, it was just an accident, darling.  Who would anyone waste such good wine on that fool's wife?
• Harrison Ford called someone a fucking idiot.  God love him.  Have a glass of wine on me, you crazy man-bitch!
• PSA by Mz. Chick: "There is no poop fairy." 
• Mr. Hansen needs to have a seat over there, because he was caught, via hidden video, cheating on his wife.  The man-whore!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

1. LynnNChicago (Twitter Page): Nice work on that Jill Zarin Facebook story! Love it! Suck It @JillZarin Screen shots don't lie! (Yes, bitches, the GORGEOUS Lynn twatted to Mz. Chick!)
2. CnutInAKattan (Twitter Page): I just love how much classier everything sounds in a foreign language -- yahabibi, ma cherie ... all that shit. Cultured as fuck. (Cultured as fuck.  What Mz. Chick aspires to be.)
3. LitSnitch (Twitter Page ): Fine, have it your way. No dismembered bodies on the Booze River Cruz. (Party pooper.)
4. cellabella1 (Twitter Page ): Hahaha #fuckwhore! Only when i forget to take my bipolar med..then i just slap myself on the ass (What is it they say?  When you want a job done right, do it youself!)
5. meekat81 (Twitter Page): TODAYS WEIGHTLOSS TIP: USE SUPERGLUE AS LIPGLOSS!! (Darling, how am I supposed to drink my wine?)
6. mlaw3 (Twitter Page ): Well that was the easiest duty (haha doodie) ever. DrunkMommy proclaims tonight leftover night! (Mz. Chick approves of drunken parenting.  Cheers, darling!)
7. JustMe411 (Twitter Page): A moth just flew in my hair.... i freaked the fuck out...i totally hate moths (It is Jill Zarin's fault.  Everything is that bitches fault.)
8. yelobrckrd (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick it is perfectly acceptable to cry over spilt wine. (Damned right!)
9. maxndprincesmom (Twitter Page): @BaileysLaura lol i'll hit the wine bottle early <wink>  (Early?  Mz. Chick says that there is no such thing as "to early" when it comes to wine.)
10. plainviewsue (Twitter Page): @CountessLuAnn If u think you can sing, u are as delusional as Kelly (Next thing you know, she'll be downing jelly beans while shouting out "satchels of gold!")

Jill "The Bitch" Zarin Gets Caught Being a Bitch and Mz. Chick Has the Proof!

NOTE:  Tomorrow is unfollow Jill Zarin day on Twitter.  Bitches, get to it!!!!


Warning:  Snark fueled by red wine.

What's up, my bitches!  Have I got a post for you today.  First Mz. Chick is snarking on the Countless and Mz. Zolciak.  That is just a little taste, because she has got the dirt on Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and her bitchy ways!  With screen caps of her hot drunken mess of a shit storm!  You just know that Mz. Chick is over the moon about this.  She then goes on to snark a bit on Mz. Giudice.  Of course, Mz. Chick's drunken top ten twats are also included.  Buckle up, bitches and read on!

Tranny Train Wreck, by Bravo.

Darlings, Mz. Chick is absolutely beside herself that the Countless not only stepped out looking like this but posted a picture of herself, and thinks she looks wonderful!  The hair is drag queen fabulous, while the dress--that wonderful purple train wreck--only enhances the masculine shoulders.  The make-up, however, needs help.  Someone call RuPaul, stat!

Before: Could be a drag queen.  After:  Confirmation: there be a drag queen here!

Holy red wine folks, this delusional bitch is actually posing for pictures.  We all know that the Countless is delusional when it comes to her own behavior on the show, but this is taking the cake.  No wonder she is friends with her fellow train wreck: 

Mz. Chick just loves to have new reasons to post this picture!

It only gets better, bitches!  She has released a video of her newest, ear-bleeding, single, featuring Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and Kelly "Jellybeans" Bensimon!  OH MY GAWD!  Somebody call an ambulance because Mz. Chick is dying of laughter over here!  It is only disappointing in the fact that it does not reach MS BS levels of stupidity.

Speaking of bad hair choices, Mz. Chick is pissed at Kim Zolciak because she is in the news today, not for her gold-digging ways, but posing with her beautiful new son.  Mz. Chick has a strict rule of never snarking on reality children (unless they are over 18), especially adorable babies (see, Mz. Chick does have a heart!).  Anyway, here is the gold-digging whore with her jackpot...um, baby:

Mz. Chick wants to squeeze those little cheeks, but would happily slap the mother and yell "WHORE!"

Mz. Chick is also pissed at Mz. Zolciak because she actually twatted something nice to the bitch last night, and the bitch never responded!  The nerve of some people!  Mz. Zolciak should be warned that Mz. Chick lives only an hour away from Atlanta!  Then again, Mz. Zolciak doesn't have much to fear from a drunken bitch who randomly yells "I'm a Twatter..Twit...whatever-the-fuck.. Fame Whore!" at the top of her lungs.

In other Twatter news, some jack ass Jill Zarin "defender" tried to engage in a Twat war (that did not sound right at all) with Mz. Chick.  Unfortunately for Jill, she pays her "assistants" such a low wage that they do not have the intelligence to properly engage Mz. Chick.  Now, with all the wine that Mz. Chick drinks, you just know that she doesn't have that many functioning brain cells, which tells you something about who Jill hires!

Moving to the big news!

These House Bitches are really acting up today!  Jill Zarin, in a desperate attempt to have me snark on her proper (instead of posting that stupid picture) wrote this on her facebook:

Screen cap because Mz. Chick knew the bitch was going to erase that shit from her Facebook!  Keep reading, bitches!

What the fuck is the matter with these stupid bitches?  Are they all still in high school?  Of course, Mz. Chick must confess, she loves this shit.  She posted the following comment: "WOW!  Who is the mean girl who is cyber-bullying people, again?  You stupid bitch."  Which didn't last long AT ALL.  When the comment was erased (it took a whole 30 minutes, pay those people more, Jill!) Mz. Chick wrote: "And...I see the little delete fairy has come to erase my comment. Doesn't matter, you're still a silly bitch! :-)"   Hahahaha...Mz. Chick is such a bitch when she is drunk.  Of course, that last comment didn't last as long, under a minute.  Mz. Chick can just imagine some poor assistant getting slapped upside the head by Bobby while the Queen of Mean Girls screamed at the poor fool.  Then Mz. Chick got sick of tormenting Jill and decided to do better things....

Boo-hoo.  Mz. Chick called me a silly bitch on my own Facebook page!

...like fuck with Cindy Barshop on Twatter!  Oh, yes, she went there bitches! And, she responded back.  You know what that means, she who has been known as Horse Teeth is now christened, The Divine Mz. Barshop.  I'll let that one sink in for a minute.  

Downed your glass of wine?  Good.  Here is the conversation:

• Mz. Chick: "Hi, just wanted to ask, why are you letting Jill fight your battles for you? Shouldn't you be the one to post that letter?" 
• The Divine Mz. Barshop: "@MzElizaChick I never requested anything; if I wanted something posted, I would post it. P.S. Love your avatar!"
• Mz. Chick: "@CindyBarshop Thank you! You might want to talk to Jill, b/c she is claiming that you want her to post it. :)"

Shortly there after, Jill posted this on her Facebook:  "Sorry guys...Carol asked me not to publish the letter since she is afraid of any backlash. I have to respect that and only wish her peace and well being. She deserves that."

Looks like Mz. Zarin got caught with her pants down on this one!  And Mz. Chick got to see it happen in real time (instead of reading about it the next day)!  Here is what Mz. Chick thinks what happened:  The Divine Mz. Barshop called up Carol (Cindy's brother's girlfriend, keep up bitches!) and told her what fucketry Jill "The Bitch" Zarin was engaged in.  Carol then hunted down Jill, kicked her bitch ass all over Manhattan, and told her to take that shit off.  Jill, realizing she is dealing with someone who doesn't put up with her hot mess, complied (because she is just a spineless coward like that).

But, wait, it gets even better....Jill "The Bitch" Zarin even erased the above comment on her Facebook.  Oh yes the bitch did!  She just wanted to erase any memory of this ever happening!  Apparently, Carol can really kick some ass.  But don't worry, my bitches Mz. Chick quickly went to her TwatDick...um, TweetDeck and managed to capture the comment before her Dick...Deck updated.  Here it is:

Even drunk, Mz. Chick is able to think more quickly than Mz. Zarin and hit print screen. 

Aren't you bitches glad that Mz. Chick has no life so she can keep up with all this nonsense?  That way, you bitches (who have a life) can come on here and laugh!  This proves Mz. Chick's devotion to her loving drunken twat family.  You're welcome!

And just when Mz. Chick was done messing around with these House Wife Bitches In Touch Weekly is reporting that Teresa Giudice is going for baby number five.  At first, that fucktard, Perez Hilton reported that the bitch was already knocked up, causing Mz. Chick to drop her wine glass in absolute glee that there would be another table-flipping, bad hair bow wearing, "I'm to pretty to work," rug rat running around.  Unfortunately, the article is about Mz. Giudice's plans to pop out another one.  One word of advice, Tree: you better get on that and quick before Juicy Joe (Mz. Chick just vomited after typing that) gets hauled off to prison.

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Today's twits are so spectacularly funny that Mz. Chick has decided to let them stand on their own (that, and after all the House Bitches fuckerty going on today, she didn't have enough snark left over to do these justice).  Twit on, you drunken bitches!

1. lorilori11735 (Twitter Page): Omfg Luann is releasing more music?! Wasn't that first autotuned trainwreck enough?!! Ear plugs please!!!
2. LitSnitch (Twitter Page): Why do my family emergencies always involve Meth addicts and kids that don't belong to me? LOL #JerrySpringerReject
3. amybrown1221 (Twitter Page): Anywhere they have bomb shelters be a norm in households I am not going. Just saying.
4. CnutInAKaftan (Twitter Page): Money can't buy you class -- but it can facilitate an ill-advised brush with the bleach bottle.
5. kikilet (Twitter Page): Just for fun, tell the jury- If you dont acquit, I'll throw my shit! and fling melted snickers at em.
6. plainviewsue (Twitter Page): Jill only has sex if there is a gift of diamonds at the end!
7. goddess_tamara (Twitter Page): I think your blog is fun & you are funny as well!! (Mz. Chick adores bitches that kiss her ass.  Thank you, darling)
8. LynnschinsLLC (Twitter Page ): I feel like a frat guy trying to figure out a clitoris! I can't even send a damn email.
9. MusicAsis (Twitter Page ): Anybody who DID NOT have a baby by Lil Wayne has PHD intelligence as far as I'm concerned. 
10. tiredofthis_ (Twitter Page ): @ramonasinger You weren't with the absolutely hideous creatures at Luanns paty were you? Luann & Jill are disgusting!

Mz. Chick Is Becoming a Fame Whore

Warning: A bottle of red wine was murdered in the writing of this post.

The Beautiful Sonja Morgan.

Earlier this evening, The Beautiful Mz. Morgan re-twitted a twit I twitted.  Wait.  She re-retweeted a twit I tweeted.  That still isn't right, but whatever, this red wine is good.  Anyway, because Mz. Morgan didn't actually engage in a conversation with Mz. Chick, nor did she even send a separate hello, she is only The Beautiful Mz. Morgan as opposed to The Divine.  So far, only Mz. McCord holds that title.

The Divine Mz. McCord, Mz. Chick's best Twit ..Twat..whatever... friend.

Shall Mz. Chick make a confession?  Yes.  Yes she should (and she should really stop holding conversations with herself on this blog, but whatever, this red wine is good).  Mz. Chick wants to be a Twitter Fame Whore.  She wants lots of followers to kiss her drunken ass (and a couple of bitchy ones who will argue with her), have celebrities shocked enough to ban her, while others twit...twat...whatever this red wine is good, to her.  She wants her TwatDick, wait, TwatDeck, almost...TwitDeck (ha!  I got it!  Take that red wine!) to explode when others mention her.

Mz. Chick dreams of the day when she can become a name-dropping Twatter...er...Tickleher...what-the-hell-ever...fame whore.  Why would anyone want this kind of life style?  Well, Mz. Chick lives out in the sticks of Georgia and is at home all day.  While she is confident in her fabulous, drunken self, she doesn't fit in around the rather conservative non-wine drinking folk around here.

In other words, Mz. Chick is bored out of her skull, so make her famous, bitches!

However, she does not want to be a Reality TV Fame Whore.  Her drunken ass may go out like this and bitches might make fun of her:

Mz. Chick just loves this picture.

The Divine Mz. McCord, Snark Galore, & Mz. Chick's Favorite Tweets of the Day

DISCLAIMER:  No Housewives were harmed in the writing of this post.

The Divine Mz. McCord.  Mz. Chick's new best friend on Twitter.

Grab your wine bitches, it's time for another post from yours truly!  Firstly, Mz. Chick would like to thank all of her fellow drunken bitches on Twitter for their love of Mz. Chick's blog.  Ya'll rock!

Are you ready for this one?  The divine Mz. McCord twitted to yours truly last night.  Mz. McCord has now become Mz. Chick's favorite housewife ever! That's right, bitches!  Anyone who messes with Mz. Chick's new Twitter best friend will get cut like the bitch she is (you here that Countless and Zarin?  Don't make Mz. Chick go to New York) .

Anyway, here is the scoop:  Mz. McCord tweeted that she had some big news that may or may not be broadcast on the reunion.  Mz. Chick remarked that THAT little announcement was going to launch some rumors.  Mz. McCord tweeted back to Mz. Chick (oh, yes she did!) wondering if Mz. Chick was referring to her modeling and stated that  her news couldn't "compare with the truth."  Mz. Chick tweeted that she thought it was a little more personal than that!  Mz. McCord tweeted back (AGAIN!): "No more vK's joining the party.  Announcements were all about work."

About that point, Mz. Chick peed her pants in excitement about a Real House Bitch twittering with her.  Or it could have been Mz. Chick loses her bodily functions when she is drunk.  Who knows?  So, what do Mz. Chick's fellow drunken bitches think The Divine Mz. McCord's big announcement is?

Other Housewives News:

Nothing says classy like letting your boyfriend feed you a corn dog in public.

• Gretchen Rossi is selling her clothes on Ebay. Supporting a deadbeat fame-whore plays havoc on your bank account.  Even worse, you are forced to sell your whore gear.  Next up for Wretchen?  Horror of horrors, BOXED WINE.
• Granny G and her fame whoring ways attended the premier of Basketball Wives.  Darling, learn how to dress for your age, will you?  Mz. Chick is 35 and wouldn't wear a skirt that short, and she is a drunken whore!
• If you are a psycho bitch who likes to shout out "satchels of gold" at random intervals and call white women "Al Sharpton," then it is your lucky day, you crazy bitch! Kelly Bensimon is now giving out advice.  Jellybeans not included.
• FYI:  If you enjoy making your ears bleed, the Countless has a new single out.  There isn't enough wine in the universe for Mz. Chick to buy that atrocity.  Mz. Chick, contrary to popular opinion, does have standards! She won't even provide a link to that hot mess.  You're welcome!
• The Countless-smacking, bollocks-loving, ever bitchy DC darling, Cat Ommanney, Tweeted this today: "I would like to thank all of you who have shared Salami's 'bump it' with me-It has been remarkably disturbing. Best wishes Xx"  While Mz. Chicks devotion is to the Divine Mz. McCord, Mz. Ommanney is a close second.

This is such a ridiculous picture, Mz. Chick had to post it again.  

In Other News:

• Tits of mass destruction?  A woman got drunk, hit her hubby a couple of times, locked herself in her car and then the cops were called.  She proceeded to whip out her breast and spray the cops with breast milk.  Mz. Chick salutes her fellow drunken bitch.  Cheers, darling!
• Carol Brady got crabs from the former mayor of New York.  Darling, that is a bit too much information even for Mz. Chick.
• What a long, drawn out divorce!  It appears that the Mel and Robin Gibson have finally reached an agreement to divorce, and it will be final sometime this summer.  Mz. Chick is pissed at Mr. Gibson for giving us drunken fools a bad name.  Shame on you, Mr. Gibson, shame!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

1. mlaw3 (Twitter Page ): Apparently hubs no longer belives me when I say I cant have sex 2 days in a row bc my vag needs the recovery time #hesgotmynumber (Mz. Chick's advice: record the last episode of the New Jersey Bitches on your DVR and play it whenever husband wants sexy time.  Problem solved.)
2. MusicAsis (Twitter Page ): so I'm supposed to believe your virginity was stolen for a wine cooler at a house party. Sit YO ass down!! (Isn't that the way all girls loose their virginity?)
3. tyomomma (Twitter Page): @KimGranatell everytime I see her in a dress that is too short I have stripper pole flashbacks on RHONJ ..mAKES ME WANT TO BARF (Mz. Chick is still pissed at this bitch for that stripper pole "dance."  She knocked over her wine fleeing the room in terror upon seeing that!)
4. MegTheSequel (Twitter Page): What does that mean? LOL Seriously.. I'm not processing more than 3 word sentences. (Don't feel bad, Mz. Chick can't process more than that either.)
5. BravoBitchy1 (Twitter Page): well, if mine doesn't back off he will b dick~less! (Note to men: don't mess with a woman when she has PMS.)
6. kikilet (Twitter Page ): Are you experiencing Transvaginal Mesh Failure? (Mz. Chick is way to drunk to decipher this, however, she laughed herself silly when she read it.)
7. cellabella1 (Twitter Page ): I wish I could smell my elbow. (Mz. Chick is always amused by Cheryl's tweets.  This is, after all, the woman who invented the term "fuckwhores" and uses it to express her amusement.  Cheers, darling!)
8. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): a blend of narcissistic personality disorder and a bit of a sociopath (Add a liberal dose of red wine and you have just described Mz. Chick perfectly!)
9. LuvToLoveU (Twitter Page): tell me about this Brazilian blow job thingy.  (It involves three midgets and a bottle of red wine.)
10. Mpinkly (Twitter Page): Now I'm confused again. (That is usually Mz. Chick's normal state of mind.)

MS BS Sings, Mz. Zarin Strikes Again and Mz. Chick's Favorite Tweets of the Day

What.  The.  Hell.

Mz. Chick has been laughing her silly drunken ass off thanks to MS BS (a phrase she stole from the wonderful Cat Ommanney) entertaining all of us with her equally drunken debut of "Bump It!' in Miami back on the 24th.  Grab your wine bitches and enjoy this deliciously bad video courtesy of Pop Eater.

Yes.  She actually stepped out looking like this.

Mz. Zarin will be featured on this blog quite a lot, mainly because the bitch blocked Mz. Chick from her twitter.  Furthermore, Mz. Zarin fails to realize that Mz. Chick was only following her in order to perfect her mean girl routine, after all, who better to learn from than the Queen of Mean Girls herself?

Anyway, if you would recall from last year, rumors went around that our dear Alex McCord would be leaving the Real Housewives of New York.  Anyone with a half of brain in their head realized that Mz. Zarin herself started these rumors---hell, Mz. Chick was drunk for most of last year (and all of this year) and she even figured it out!  Seems those rumors have started again (Oh, Jill, will you never learn?), and Mz. McCord delivers the smack down here.  Also, Cindy Bishop (so that is the bitch's name!  Mz. Chick could never figure out who that bitch was wandering around in the background) is also "rumored" to be leaving.  Mz. Chick is glad for that because she is so mesmerized by those big horse teeth she forgets to drink her wine.  And a sober Mz. Chick is not pretty.

Now, shall we dish about last night's episode of the New Jersey Bitches?  Dead animals, Melissa being a bitch, drunk people shooting guns, Joe grabbing Tree's ass and doing splits, and one cock ring (yes, darlings, that really is what that was).  That about covers that.  Bravo, listen up, if Mz. Chick is ever subjected to another cock ring (on TV or otherwise) she will find Andy Cohen and drunkenly beat the ever-living shit out of him.

And finally, the Parenting website brings us the Most Notorious Parenting Moments of the Real House Bitches.  Mz. Chick is grateful that these bitches are reproducing, thus ensuring her that the next generation will provide her plenty of amusement into her golden years.

Other gossipy things Mz. Chick is snarking about today:

• Jennifer Aniston is telling us how she likes to do the dirty deed. Not really.  She is just promoting her upcoming box office bomb.  Mz. Chick is eagerly looking forward to Mz. Aniston's future (and inevitable)  release of her sex tape in a desperate attempt to remain in the spotlight.
• It seems that the delicious Chris Meloni is really leaving Law and Order: SVU.  Mz. Chick has no desire to watch the show ever again. However, she is hoping that Mr. Meloni will release a sex tape.  Because she is a drunken whore like that.
• Hugh Hefner is a whore.  (You know that is true!)  The creepy old man has hooked up with another twenty-something bimbo out to get his money.  Ewww.  Pardon Mz. Chick while she vomits.

And now, Mz. Chick presents...her favorite top ten drunken Tweet posts of the day!  If you would like to be featured as a drunken Twitter...Twatter...whatever the hell, simply follow Mz. Chick.

1. Whiteheart18 (Twitter Page): we do not need to see Juicy Joe and Teresa's sex escapades on Bravo...Animal Planet would have been more appropriate. (Animal sex escapades, by Bravo).
2. tiredofthis (Twitter Page): just favorited your tweet: Mz. Chick has a blog. God help the internet. (Only because Mz. Chick loves it when people favorite her drunken ramblings).
3. Cellabella1 (Twitter Page): Petite Manicurist bought the SPARKLY tennis shoes i want. She said:I was going 2 get u a pair but they didn't have BIG sizes! I punched her. (Mz. Chick always approves of a drunken cat fight).
4. lorilori11735 (Twitter Page): Angry bitchy lady yelling at deli counter staff. She looks like big Bertha http://twitpic.com/5hu7xa (Mz. Chick always approves of posting pics of strangers on the internet so we can laugh at them.  Especially those of angry bitches).
5. lori024 (Twitter Page): My humor may be fading, but if we can keep her off the pole, Chris Rock will be proud. (Mz. Chick has no idea what this is about, but after downing multiple glasses of wine, deemed it funny).
6. MegTheSequel (Twitter Page): Trying to cover your ass now, aren't ya? It won't work. You should've just killed me and called me Granny. (Mz. Chick approves of twitter wars.  Go get 'em, sweetie).
7. LynnschinsLLC (Twitter Page ): use a straw like I do. It helps separate the alcohol from the wine so you don't get as drunk. Lmao (My God, woman, why would you ever dispense advice like that?  Furthermore, why would you ever do it?)
8. Red_Corazon (Twitter Page): I read the comments. Some feel real but others are sooo @jillzarin self-serving. I think she plants those comments. She's vile. (Mz. Chick fully and wholeheartedly approves of any twit which features snarking on Jill Zarin.)
9. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page ):what about Viagra and a porn star? (All that is missing is a bottle of red wine and it is a typical night at Mz. Chick's house.)
10. bronzebeau (Twitter Page): LOL! Imagine the conversation? "Look at my pop ring." "That's not a pop ring, it's a cock ring." Oy vey. (And...Mz. Chick is off to find Andy Cohen to kick the ever-living shit out of him.)