Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Real House Bitches of NYC: Mz. Chick Tells It Like It Is


All right, bitches!  Mz. Chick is writing this, twating this and watching this all at the same time.  So...umm....you have been warned.  She takes no responsibility if you don't understand this, because she doesn't either.

Cast of Characters:
Jelly Beans: Kelly
The Bitch: Jill
The Countless: Duh
The Divine: Mz. McCord
The Beautiful: Mz. Morgan
Ramona: Fellow Drunken Bitch
The Divine Horse Teeth: Cindy

Jelly Beans, Fellow Drunken Bitch and the Divine are all talking about Fellow Drunken Bitch's birthday party. These bitches are being too nice!  They are turning it into a surprise birthday party for The Beautiful as well.  Nice, but boring!  Lets see some cat-fights bitches!

Reality Buzz twated: @ramonasinger I love the free venue! #RHONY  Hahahahaha!

The Divine Horse Teeth is...um...gulps red wine....selling something.  The Bitch is in attendance (CHUG!!)  Mz. McCord and Simon show up, oh shit, it is about to get good, bitches!!!  Jelly Beans shows up and The Bitch is telling her to get waxed, Jelly Beans tells us she got something out of her mole.  WTF?!?

Whiteheart18 twated: Cindy is having a pussy party #meow #Rhony 

The Divine Horseteeth Twatted: Watching # RHONy the @completelybare part was awesome Simon let me wax him :) Way to much information.  Mz. Chick downs another glass of wine.

MOVING ON...Simon is asking The Bitch to meet somewhere so that way he can talk her into stopping  all the shit talk.  She agrees. Jelly Beans and The Bitch are talking behind Simon's back.  The Bitch and Jelly Beans decide that it is "weird" that Simon wants to talk, and they can't figure out what Simon has issues with.  (Gee, Silly Bitch, do you think it has something to do with you saying he contributes to THE GLORIOUS LYNN's blog, when he doesn't?)

SassNSauce twated: that's a fucking lie. right after season 1 shill started bashing simon in the press

katiebr58 twated: Ur seriously taking advice from koo koo @kellybensimon #RHONY 

Jelly Beans has no idea what is going on in Simon's head.  No one knows what is going on in hers, either.  You crazy bitch!

The Bitch is backing out with lunch on Simon.  Probably because The Bitch knows she is in the wrong and she doesn't want to be called out.  The Countless shows up and starts to talk shit.  Holy shit, bitches!  Apparently, according to the Countless, The Divine needs to put a leash on Simon.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?  THESE BITCHES ARE NUTS.  That seems to be the refrain of the mean girls: The Divine needs to be put Simon on a leash.  And he needs to stop "mean tweeting."  The new buzzword is "mean tweeting."  Damn it!  Mz. Chick needs even more wine.

lori024 twatted: Did Luannn REALLY just say to put a leash on a husband & control what he's doing? Kelly agrees? Wonder y they're divorced... MEAN TWIT!!! MEAN TWAT!!!  MEAN WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!!!!!

Simon vanKempen twated: My twitter feed is public unlike some I dont delete tweets or Facebook posts Where r my cyber bullying tweets  Oh, snap!  Mz. Chick approves of a (metaphorical) bitch slap!

LuAnn tells everyone about....Mz. Chick doesn't give a fuck, she is a bitch and her voice makes Mz. Chick's ears bleed.  Mz. Chick runs to the bathroom because she drank way too much wine.

Various twaters twat: SHUT UP LUANN!

CnutInAKattan twated: "Desperately trying to have relevance with us"?!? WTF? #RHoNY #countesscrackerjacks  WTF?!?  She actually said that?!  Mz. Chick is pissed that she will have to sit through one of the Countless's speeches to see this.

Hahahaha!  The Divine leaves arm in arm with her husband laughing at the idiots while Jelly Beans, The Bitch and The Countless are still meowing.

The Beautiful is fixing her broken toilet. Somehow, this has to do with her not having a husband.  She calls the plumber, but she winds up pulling a Blackberry out of it.  Her Fuck Shhh-way expert comes in and she cries to her over her broken marriage.  Mz. Chick feels bad for The Beautiful.  But this is boring the shit out of her.

UGH.  The Bitch and Jelly Beans are talking about cyber-bullying.  Oh for fucks sake, Mz. Chick is about to jump through her television screen and beat the ever-living-shit out of both of these bitches.  The Bitch and Countless decide that Simon is using them so he can build his business.  WTF?!?!

STFU Jelly Beans.

The Divine and Simon are talking.  Simon is making sure The Divine is not mad at him.  They are talking about The Bitch, The Divine couldn't stand her at first (duh, we knew that, but it was nice for her to admit it!).  The Divine stands by her man! Ahahahaha....The Divine mentioned something about smoking something.  Perhaps Mz. Chick needs to put down what she is smoking and start paying attention.

PARTY TIME!  Fellow Drunken Bitch is setting up people for The Beautiful's surprise.  The Bitch is eating, making sure everything is up to her standards.  Sorry, Bitch, no lamb chops!  The Beautiful doesn't know WTF is going on, Ramona fills her in....everything is very sweet.  BORING!!

Fellow Drunken Bitch is still pissed at The Bitch.  That is why Mz. Chick loves her Fellow Drunken Bitch, she won't let the bitch get away with anything.  She goes up to The Bitch and lets her know.  The Bitch is kissing her ass because her PR people told her to take a break from being such a bitch, plus Bobby slipped her a little something-something to calm her the fuck down.  No hair pulling.  DAMN IT!

More nicey stuff between The Beautiful and Fellow Drunk Bitch.  Sweet, but boring.

Various twatters send sweet and supportive messages to Fellow Drunk Bitch and The Beautiful.

The Divine Horse Teeth talks about how she doesn't miss having a man.  The more you say you don't miss something, the more you do <----Mz. Chick is getting philosophical up in here, bitches!

The Divine Horse Teeth is now with her parents and way to cute babies.  Mz. Chick's rule is in effect: no snarking when adorable babies are present!  Except...um....WTF?  Why can't she take care of her own kids?!?  Selfish bitches shouldn't have kids.

Moving on.

The Divine is meeting with Jelly Beans.  Jelly Beans is late again.  Fuck's sake-mean tweeting-creepy....Simon has a temper, hurting feelings.  Wait, Mz. Chick thought feelings were what happened 1970s?  The Divine tells Jelly Beans to go and talk with him, she ain't putting up with her shit.  Jelly Beans insists she doesn't want to talk about this shit, keeps talking about shit.  Jelly Beans tells The Divine that she is always sticking up for her (WTF?), and she will "ice herself out" if she doesn't tell Simon to go and jump.

Mz. Chick doesn't know what the fuck is going on, polishes off yet another bottle.  All the red wine that would quench the thirst of all of Europe couldn't make Jelly Beans make any sense. Mz. Chick is one confused drunken bitch!

SassNSauce twatted: iced out of what? the "narcissistic evil bitch snake whore club"? #rhony lets build a cabinet for them.

Mz. Chick twatted: @kellybensimon I salute you for being the stupidest bitch ever on reality tv! That is quite the complement! #MeanTweet #rhony  Hahahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is such a bitch when drunk, as she demonstrates once again!

And that is what happened, bitches!

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