Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Mz. Chick Got Drunk Again, Forgot About the Blog

Holy shit, bitches!  Mz. Chick went on a major bender and totally forgot to update her blog.  So much for being Twatter famous!

Anyway, Mz. Chick did watch the reunion last night with The Real House Bitches of New York and has a massive headache trying to figure what all those drunken bitches were yelling about!  However, she did manage to decipher some of the drunken yelling, so here are some of her favorite things that happened.

Mz. Chick lost her shit when Jill "The Bitch" Zarin "defended" The Countless and her..ahem.."mothering skills" by telling Mz. Singer that if she doesn't shut up talking about that shit, she would have to deal with her.   Hahahahahahaha!  Oh, fuck!  Seriously?  This bitch usually sends her whipped hubby after the other women because she can't fight her own battles, but she is going to fight for The Countless!

Better watch out Mz. Singer, or you'll have to deal with THIS!!
The best line of the night, hands down there are NO ARGUMENTS ABOUT THIS BECAUSE MZ. CHICK SAYS SO, was when the Divine Mz. McCord told Cindy that she needed to get laid.  HOLY SHIT, bitches!  Mz. Chick completely lost it!  Red wine went flying everywhere, cats went running under the couch and Mz. Chick practically died laughing right there on her living room floor over that one.  KA-POW, BITCH!  Hahahahahahahaha!

As a side note, Mz. Singer?  You know Mz. Chick loves you (especially because she knows you sometimes read this blog) and she is about to give you a little piece of advice.  Now, this only comes out of a place of love, so here it goes.  The audience really didn't need to know that Aunt Flow was in town last night.  No, just no, darling.

Okay, bitches, Mz. Chick is going to work on updating this blog with everything she missed and work really hard on becoming Twatter famous once again.  Mz. Chick thanks her devoted readers for not bailing on her while she got her shit together.  Cheers, darlings!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Quick Shout-Outs

Mz. Chick would like to thank all her bitches for the get well wishes.  She is doing better, but she has decided to take it easy today.  She might right a proper post today, but makes no promises.

Mz. Chick would also like to thank THE GLORIOUS LYNN of the infamous "I Hate Jill Zarin" blog (and the other writers) for her continued support of this hot drunken mess.  Mz. Chick reads the blog everyday (and admires the not-drunk writing) and pees herself in excitement whenever she sees a link back.  Thank you, darlings!
Mz. Chick has been banned by a DOG from the Twatter.
Twatter Whore Famedom achievement unlocked: Jill's dog banned Mz. Chick from the Twatter!  At first, Mz. Chick was all like "WTF?!  A dog can ban people from their Twatter?  This is reaching a new low, even for Mz. Chick!"  Then she downed a bottle of wine (which didn't help her dizzy condition) and laughed the drunken slut laugh (that she learned from Mz. Rossi).  For those of you that are playing at home, Mz. Chick now is banned from the following three Twatter accounts:

  • Mz. Zarin (nothing new, practically everyone is banned from that bitch's Twatter!)
  • Mz. Zarin's DOG
  • Mz. Rossi (this kills Mz. Chick, because that means Mz. Rossi actually read this blog!)
Because someone actually emailed Mz. Chick wondering where this picture was!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Mz. Chick is Not Feeling Well


Hello, bitches!  Mz. Chick is not feeling well (hopefully she will be fine by tomorrow).  She thought she would post this before dragging her sorry ass back to bed.  You're welcome!

Gretchen and Slade Just Got OWNED

Note:  In honor of Jelly Beans twatter comment today, Mz. Chick is replacing any curse words with "duck" for your amusement.  You're welcome!

Instead of feeding Corn Dogs to people, maybe Slimey should get a job.  Just sayin.

On June 14, Mz. Rossi wrote this in her Bravo blog:
I challenge any news outlet, Tamra, or anyone that has balls enough to get the correct information about this support issue out there to ask for proof and documentation regarding payments and contributions to Grayson and his mother.  Slade will have no problem disclosing those documents. 
Trust the National Enquirer to take on that challenge!  That's right ducks, Mz. Chick's favorite rag did go and ask.  Slimey produced two $500 money orders, but refused to comment on the $160,000 he still owes for child support of his sick son.  Furthermore, he claims that a "production company" made a $20,000 donation in his name to his son.  How ducking pathetic is that?  Michelle Arroyo, the mother of the child, would also like to see the documentation that Mz. Rossi is writing about!   

What ducks Mz. Chick off even more is that Bravo is covering up for this dead-beat fame duck for the ratings!  Mz. Chick is seriously considering never watching the steaming pile of duck that is the Real House Ducks of Orange County if that duckhole is on next season!

DUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Countless Being a Fame Whore (Again)

Click to make image an even bigger hot drunken mess.
The Countless is, once again, promoting that hot drunken mess of a "song" "Chic, C'est La Vie" by posting this on her Facebook today.  Mz. Chick has been making herself sick by giggling at this pic!  

In case you peons (because that is how the Countless views all of us) didn't know, the title of the song simply translates to "This is the life."  Voir, je parle français trop! Je t'encule!  Hahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is getting all bilingual up in here, bitches!

Anyway, the only other House Bitches that showed up for this mess was Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and Kelly "Jelly Beans" Bensimon.  Mz. Chick wonders if Jelly Beans actually showed up on time for a change?

Top Ten Drunken Twatter Posts For July 6, 2011

Mz. Chick was a bit confused (nothing new there, bitches!) about whether her version of Twitter should be spelled "Twatter" or "Twater."  So, she turned to her fellow drunken bitches and asked how they thought it should be spelled on her Facebook page.  So far, everyone agrees it should be spelled with two t's.  Polls still opened, so get to voting, bitches!

Mz. Chick also fame-whored herself out last night and asked for some followers.  Her bitches came through for her!  Welcome to all the new bitches and thanks to everyone else for getting the message out!  Mz. Chick truly loves her twatter family!

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care) (read this post for more information).

Top Ten Drunken Twats Of The Day
If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twatter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.
  1. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): Come on tweeps @MzElizaChick needs just 10 more peeps to make 200. Help her Twatter dreams come true. The poor bitch has no life (You've got that right, sister!)
  2. RochNRachel (Twitter Page): kinda like my red wine with a cock garnish! (Mz. Chick approves of drunken sluts!  Cheers, darling!)
  3. jenleeman (Twitter Page):  looking forward to hearing your views on cock and red wine ; )  (Mz. Chick's live stream on the Twatter is now turning into a porn chat.)
  4. ARoss119 (Twitter Page): I have some extra midol is anyone needs any even men have moments too (Bless you, darling!)
  5. cellabella1 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick You made your own #redwinedrinkinfuckwhore self twatter famous! Congrats to YOU! xxxxxxxGoodnight!  (Thank you, darling!)
  6. misterjoep (Twitter Page): Hey all you wacky #twitterfriends out there meet @MZELIZACHICK. She is new to the group so play nice. (Mz. Chick never plays nice, darling, but she appreciates the shout-out!)
  7. teripope (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Transvaginal Mesh Failure! I understand it and it's fking hilarious!!LMAO! peeing even!  (Mz. Chick has no idea what Transvaginal Mesh Failure is, but whenever she sees it, she can't help but laugh!)
  8. NDakotaNative (Twitter Page): @QueenofSpain smack her for those of us wanting to be there.  (Mz. Chick approves of drunken twatter cat fights.)
  9. Whiteheart18 (Twitter Page): @ladygaga I'm a forty-three going on forty-four year old monster. please follow me. It would make my year.   (Mz. Chick approves of being a fame whore!  Hope she followed, darling!)
  10. amybrown1221 (Twitter Page): Watching an old episode of #RHONY and god Kelly is insane and Luann is a bitch. Just saying.  (This should be repeated as much as possible.)
Just because Mz. Chick's bitches like this picture so much!

Jill Zarin is Now Cyber-Bullying Fans of the Show!

Holy shit balls, bitches!  Overnight, my twatter and email exploded with my bitches emailing me and twattering me about the fucketry Mz. Zarin is engaged in once again!  This time, she is cyber-bullying fans of the show through her dog's twatter!  That's right, bitches!  Mz. Zarin is now using her Giggy-wanna-be to harass fans!  Hahahahahaha!  Of course, Mz. Chick has got the screen shots to prove it, too!

Ginger, you are no Giggy!
Here is what went down, bitches!  It all started when someone who calls themselves AveryNYC (Twatter Page) began accusing Marisa (Twatter Page) of owning a blog called  An American Royal.  Mz. Chick will admit to her bias here, because she adores Mz. Marisa, so keep that in mind (see, Mz. Zarin, that is how you tell the truth and get your story straight, pay attention!).  Anyway, Mz. Marisa (one of Mz. Chick's bitches) denied it.  And Mz. Chick believes her!  Mz. Marisa and Lady Brooks (Twatter Page), the person who runs the blog, both blocked and locked down their Twatter page because they didn't want to deal with AveryNYC's fucketry.  Of course, the stupid bitch AveryNYC figures this is proof that the two are one in the same!  Hahahaha!  Stupid bitch.  Mz. Marisa also mentioned that Twatter was engaged in some fucketry and her account was acting funny (nothing new there!).  Furthermore, Mz. Zarin had unblocked Mz. Marisa and joked that she thought Mz. Zarin must have hacked into her account.  Mz. Chick mentions this because it comes into play a little latter.  Read on, bitches!

Now, Mz. Chick fully believes that AveryNYC is one of Mz. Zarin's paid "cyber assistants."  Why?  Because the account Mz. Zarin set up for her dog started twattering to Mz. Marisa!  (Mz. Chick also thinks it is a low-blow to use the name "AveryNYC."  Does Mz. Zarin really think people will get confused and think this is Mz. Singer's daughter?)

Stupidity.  By Bravo.

Now, Mz. Zarin (and Mz. Chick knows this is Mz. Zarin engaged in fucketry...because her gut tells her, that is why!) twats that Mz. Marisa is being blocked.  Now, remember what you read above?  Mz. Marisa's twatter about her problems with her account?  How would Mz. Zarin know about that twat when she has her blocked?  BUSTED, BITCH!   Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!  Oh yeah, Mz. Zarin is a reality "star," too.  Mz. Chick thinks she needs to talk to Mz. Frankel about what a real reality "star" is!  Yes, Mz. Chick went there, bitches!

It gets better, Mz. Zarin thinks that we are buying that she is not twattering through this account and continues to engage in fucketry with other fans of the show:

Human helper?  Mz. Chick guesses that Mz. Zarin does qualify as human....
Cyber-bullying.  By Bravo.
Mz. Chick would like to thank the following bitches for alerting her or providing information for this post (Mz. Chick will use their Twatter Names and link to their pages): MarisaGreenLevy  ,BlckdByJilZarin, and Yelobrckrd.  Thank you, bitches, for the notifications, screen shots and the general glee about catching Mz. Zarin acting up again!  Mz. Chick loves her bitches!

UPDATE:
Pghemtchick just alerted Mz. Chick of this rather racist twat:

Just how low-class can Mz. Zarin get?  Mz. Chick thinks it might be time to unleash the House Bitches of New Jersey on her ass!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Mz. Chicks Mailbag: A Bedtime Story

One of Mz. Chick's favorite drunken twaters, AmyBartsch (Twater Page) twated her this beautiful bedtime story about today's events at NASDAQ today.  Mz. Chick thought that her fellow drunken bitches would enjoy this:

Ramona's eyes finally popped out of her head watching jill ring the bell today. Kelly, thinking they were butterflies went to catch them, fell down and lost track of what she was doing so so she made sand angels. Luann wrote a song called these eyes but got sued for copyright issues. Alex and simon were ball gagged in sonja's baaement as cindy's kids cried for food.
Of course, if you have a story to share, twat or email Mz. Chick and she will be happy to put your drunken mess on her blog.  Cheers, my bitches!

Mz. Chick knows how much her bitches love this picture!

Mz. Chick is Fascinated

Mz. Chick is just fascinated over Mr. Van Damme's frozen pants and man-penguin walk.  For those of you who don't know, Mr. Van Damme is best known for having a giant ass and starring in such movies as "Bloodsport" and "Universal Soldier."

Mz. Chick is Back and Clowning on Mz. Zarin

Hey you bitches!  Elizabeth wanted to take over Mz. Chick's blog for a moment because she didn't think Mz. Chick could get all serious and shit.  But, Mz. Chick wrestled back control of her blog and told Elizabeth to go jump so she could clown on Mz. Zarin's silly ass!  You're welcome!

Okay.  Who at NASDAQ thought this was a good idea?!?
If you wonder why this country's financial markets are on the edge of disaster, it is because they let clowns like Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and Kelly "Jellybeans" Bensimon ring their opening bell!  Mz. Chick firmly believes it is not all the Wall Street money whores stealing as much as they can.  Nope, that makes too much sense, it is the fact that they periodically let fame whore open their trading day:

Fame Whores.  By NASDAQ.
Mz. Chick would also like to observe that Mz. Zarin only twated about her, not about her good friend, Jelly Beans, being there as well.  Mz. Chick had to click on the link to the picture in order to discover that Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs was there too!  Mz. Zarin will not have anyone moving in on her fame whoring ways, and she is probably pissed she couldn't get a picture without Jelly Beans being there too!  Jelly Beans better recognize that Mz. Zarin is the Queen of Fame Whores.

If that wasn't enough, The Bitch is also promoting the fact that she is going to be on "White Collar" tonight (on the USA network).  Holy shit balls!  Mz. Chick admires how this bitch fame whores herself out so damned much!  Anyway, she has actually got it into her head that she wants to be an "actress" now.   Hahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick doesn't think that Bobby has enough money to buy her an Oscar!  Maybe some stupid "viewers choice" award, though!  Good luck with that Mz. Zarin, Mz. Chick is rooting for you!

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care) (read this post for more information).

A Serious Post: Thoughts on the Casey Anthony Case



Hello, everyone.  I've decided to put aside Mz. Chick for a moment and discuss some of my thoughts on the Casey Anthony case.  I just wanted to jot down some of my observations and the reasons why she "got off."  I'm sure I'm gonna get a couple of Mz. Chick's fans upset over some of my observations, but I invite you to read this post with an open mind and post your own reactions.  I'm not going to ban anyone from my Twitter or think you are an awful person if you disagree with me.  I'll listen to your point of view with an open mind as well.

Again, this is all in my own opinion.

The main reason why Ms. Anthony got off was because the prosecution did not do its job.  They did not prove their case, plain and simple.  They did not tell the jury how Ms. Anthony killed little Caylee, when she actually killed her or even where Caylee was killed.  Instead, they were relying on the juries emotions.  Obviously, a precious little life was taken, someone has to pay, and evidence be damned!  This is what I call the "Nancy Grace" effect, and why I detest this woman so much.  Our judicial system does not work on emotions, but on facts.

To bolster my point on this, the defense won.  If you have been following the trial, you know the defense was lousy, and I can't imagine anyone truly "liking" the attorneys based on their behavior in the court room alone.  In fact, in my opinion, all of the attorneys were lousy.  That is a big plus for the defense because the prosecution has the burden of proof, while the defense can throw a bunch of shit at the wall and hope something sticks.

Something that is quite disturbing is some of the reactions towards the jurors.  The jurors were only allowed to consider the evidence presented to them and had to be sure beyond a reasonable doubt that Ms. Anthony was guilty.  They did their job as they were sworn to do.  Quite frankly, I'm surprised at all the hate towards the jurors, when it should be going to the prosecution.

The bottom line is this: the prosecution failed to give justice to little Caylee.  I'm not sure how they will sleep at night for doing such a lousy job.

Rest in peace, little girl.  I'm sorry we couldn't give you justice.

Drunken Twats of the Day

Mz. Chick has got multiple twats about her bitches peeing themselves laughing and asking Mz. Chick to send them Depends.  Mz. Chick isn't buying you bitches anything, she needs all her money for red wine!  However, she will post smaller updates during the day so those of you who can't control their bladder will have time to reach the toilet.  You're welcome!

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care) (read this post for more information).

Top Ten Drunken Twats Of The Day
If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.
  1. cellabella1 (Twitter Page): *sings* oh where oh where is my @MzElizaChick? Oh where, oh where can that #fuckwhore be....  (Mz. Chick just loves this drunken bitch!)
  2. RealOldHousewive (Twitter Page):  @AWenchLikeMe Told Bella if I ever catch her on street corner offering to do nasty things to strange dogs for drugs- off to rehab she goes (Twater friends look out for their own!)
  3. KerryHollingswo (Twitter Page): Idiots down the road are shooting guns! redneckfireworks  (#fuckwhores!)
  4. lori024 (Twitter Page): Women were wearing bikinis, stilletto's & fur vests! No shitsky! On the deck of the waterfront restaurant.  (If their is red wine, it sounds like Mz. Chick's kind of crowd!)
  5. MegTheSequel (Twitter Page): I can help you here. Was it a nice pussy smell or like flounder rotting on a dock? (Mz. Chick just threw up in her mouth.)
  6. AmyBartsch (Twitter Page): My poor dog! She is running around like a fart in a skillet! The city's Fireworks are very close by.  (Mz. Chick just loves drunken metaphors!)
  7. RochNRachel (Twitter Page ):  bitch has got acid crotch! (That must hurt!)
  8. thekat0711 (Twitter Page):  Wowww. Email invite, subject "...an organic farm film in French with English subtitles" just wowww. Darn I hope I'm busy that night? (If they have wine, go, otherwise tell them to fuck off.)
  9. Reality_Buzz (Twitter Page):  She's a Killer Queen Gunpowder, gelatine Dynamite with a laser beam Guaranteed to blow your mind Anytime (Yes Mz. Chick is!)
  10. tracistantord (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick hahaha,, Great blog Mz. Chick! Keep em coming (Mz. Chick just loves her bitches kissing her ass!  Thank you, darling!)
Mz. Chick almost forgot to post this picture!  The horror!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Drunken Fourth of July Update of the Day

Hello again, bitches!  Grab your wine because here is your update of the day!  Let's just get to it:

The pic that got Mz. Chick banned from Mz. Rossi's twater!
The big news is that Mz. Chick is becoming even more Twater famous, bitches!  Gretchen "The Slut" Rossi has blocked Mz. Chick from her twater!  Mz. Chick hasn't even gotten around to fucking with the bitch on the Twater, she just posted one little snarky post about corn dogs and supporting a dead-beat fame-whore and BAM!  The bitch banned Mz. Chick!  Hahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is quite proud of this accomplishment.

Mz. Gorga in a dress any drunken whore would be proud of!
In The Real House Bitches of New Jersey news, the National Enquirer is claiming that Melissa Gorga swings both ways!  That's right bitches, Mz. Gorga has swam in the lady pond!  Mz. Chick can here her fellow drunken bitches screech, "But, Mz. Chick, darling, this is the National Enquirer reporting this!  You can't possibly believe in that rag!"  Oh, yes I do, bitches!  When it comes to sex scandals, the National Enquirer is all over that shit and gets it right (see Bill Clinton, John Edwards, The Arnold, etc.).  Hahahahaha!  I wonder if this is the reason why Tree and the rest of her family don't particularly like Mz. Gorga?  That and she is a manipulative bitch!

Right back at ya, Mz. Staub!
Mz. Chick is giggling in drunken glee that Mz. Danielle Staub is going to be back on television.  This time, she is on a VH1 show called "Famous Food" and it will debut this Sunday at ten eastern. Yes, bitches, at the same time as The Real House Bitches of New Jersey!  Hahahaha!  Does VH1 really think people will turn into this train wreck instead of watching The House Bitches?  Mz. Chick is thankful for her wonderful DVR.  If it is the train wreck that she is hoping for, you can rest assure that Mz. Chick will keep you updated about this!  If you would like to see a trailer of this drunken mess, The Housewives Hoedown has kindly posted the drunken mess on their blog.

Mz. Zarin, the lousy tipper who slams cab doors in people's faces (allegedly)!
Holy shit, bitches!  Check out comments on Mz. Chick's last drunken update to get the dirt on some rumors floating around NYC about Mz. Zarin's scandalous behavior!  To cover Mz. Chick's ass (and believe her, this is a big cover) Mz. Chick does not take any responsibility for comments left on her blog.  She is offering a forum for others to vent.  That being said, if these rumors are true (more ass covering by Mz. Chick), Mz. Zarin can't blame editing on this!  Thanks to my fellow drunken bitches who left these comments, you are always welcome to vent to Mz. Chick!

Can anyone tell Mz. Chick why this bitch is ringing the NASDAQ opening bell tomorrow?  Mz. Chick just doesn't get why a bunch of Wall Street types want to be associated with Fame Whores.  Then again, those Wall Street types are a bunch of money whores and Bobby must have paid someone a pretty penny for that "privilege!"

Just a quick note to remind certain bitches who post---Mz. Chick doesn't have many rules for comments, only the following: no spam, no racist remarks and no homophobic remarks.  Mz. Chick will delete them because she doesn't want that shit on her blog (even Mz. Chick has some standards, bitches!).

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care!) (read this post for more information)!  Also, be sure to check out The Real House Bitches of Orange County's biography page.

In Other House Bitch News:
In Other News:
  • If you have a life (unlike Mz. Chick) Jezebel has the top ten moments on reality TV this week that you might have missed.  Highlights:  Paris Hilton's camel toe, black balls and Juicy Joe's (vomit) cock ring (Mz. Chick is now going to hunt down Mz. Andy and beat the ever-living drunken shit out of him).
  • Just days after getting out of rehab, Weston Cage (son of Nicholas) and his wife, Nikki Williams, were both arrested for domestic violence.  While Mz. Chick approves of drunken behavior, she does not approve of violence, bitches (unless she is beating the ever-living shit out of Mz. Andy for that particular scene)!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day
If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.
  1. meekat81 (Twitter Page): I JUST WANTED TO LET U KNOW............. I FARTED AND IT TICKLED MY BUTT :D (Thank you for keeping us all updated on your ass.)
  2. CnutInAKattan (Twitter Page ): Monaco is swimming in cash. Surely Princess Stephanie can afford Botox. Money can't buy you class, but it could get a good dermatologist. (The nerve of some people!  How dare she gracefully age!  Mz. Chick disapproves highly!)
  3. goddess_tamara (Twitter Page): @SoTinaO @MarieDomina I'm telling you, that's how Sonja Morgan got the lazy eye! One too many cum shots in the face! #TrueStory  (Mz. Chick loves The Beautiful Mz. Morgan, but this was some funny shit!)
  4. SassNSauce (Twitter Page): @ellegoblue stinking drunk crotch grabbing may be more accepted in her crowd over there. (It is certainly accepted in Mz. Chick's!)
  5. _reallymelissa (Twitter Page): @bravoandy 's bollocks are in @JillZarin 's Birkin bag (Darling, where else would she keep them?)
  6. MamaXanax (Twitter Page): Thanks for the support, gals. I'm a natural-born swallower (There is such a thing as to much information, darling.)
  7. TruthSucceeds (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Listening to Mr. BOZO Bullshit Baez, with kkb's retarded tweet... SNAP! Here's creative for you @kellybensimon: STOOPID COW! (Here is hoping that Mr. Bozo Bullshit Baez, Mz. Bensimon, and TruthSucceeds are all in the same room together.  It should be epic!)
  8. shadester126 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick fck yeah! I am going to work hard at making your tweet list! Ballz to the wall!! (Congratulations, darling!)
  9. Gindaloony (Twitter Page ): Stop trying to deep throat me with your Twittelator! (OH MY!  Mz. Chick is shocked at the pornography on Twater!)
  10. thekat0711 (Twitter Page): My &$@ing neighbor is playing just the chorus of Poker Face on repeat.  (While Mz. Chick does not approve of violence, this is one of those times when it is called for.  Punch them.  No jury will find you guilty.)

New Feature: Mz. Chick's Mailbag and Mz. Chick's Advice Column

Hello my bitches!  Mz. Chick hopes you all had a lovely weekend and that her fellow U.S.A. citizens are having a great Fourth of July.

Over the weekend, Mz. Chick was thinking about what she could do to achieve her goal of becoming a Twater Fame Whore.  After eating some jelly beans, she realized that she should give advice (hey, Kelly maybe on to something!).  That's right, bitches, Mz. Chick is starting her very own advice column!  Every Monday she will post her answers to your etiquette questions, how to become a drunken whore or anything else you may have a question on.

I know that my fellow drunken bitches are just squealing in delight over this!  So, how can you participate?  Easy!  Post your questions on this thread, twat them to Mz. Chick, write on her Facebook wall or use the contact button to drop her an email.  

But it gets even better bitches!  Every Friday Mz. Chick will post some of the mail she gets (either through the Twater or email) in another new feature called "Mz. Chick's Mailbag!"  Aren't you just peeing yourselves in excitement?  Unlike Mz. Zarin, she will even post some of her hate mail!  "But why would you do that, Mz. Chick?"  I can hear my bitches asking.  Simple, bitches!  Mz. Chick desires to become a fame whore (at least on Twater...and yes, now THE BLOGGING WORLD!!!) and she aspires to have as many haters (and even more people who love her drunken ass) as Jill Zarin, so she wants to promote herself!  And what better way than posting all the love (and hate) she gets from her fans (and haters)?  So, show her some love (or hate) by sending an email to her or through the twater!

Stay tuned for the drunken update, bitches!

Because it is not a Mz. Chick post without this picture.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Drunken Post of the Day: Mz. Zarin is a Fame Whore

First, Mz. Chick would like to wish a happy Canada Day to all you Canadian bitches out there!  Mz. Chick highly approves of her neighbors to the north!  Especially when you get drunk and hit each other over the head with hockey sticks, pour maple syrup all over yourselves, stick Canadian Bacon on your body and yell "EH!" at the top of your voice.  (Mz. Chick teases because she loves.)

Mz. Chick is sad to report that she will not be blogging during the weekends.  Even her drunken ass needs a break from all this Housebitch fucketry going on!  However, if something major happens, you know Mz. Chick will let loose a giggle of glee and rush to her computer to update her blog and let all her bitches know about it.  She will be on the Twater over the weekend, so pop in and give your favorite drunken bitch blogger a shout-out!

Just in case she is to drunk to post on Monday: Mz. Chick wishes to extend a Happy Fourth of July to all her  fellow U.S.A. bitches!  Don't kill yourselves by blowing up fireworks, hitting each other over the head with a football, or kill someone else by being a bit overenthusiastic when you smash apple pies into their face!

This bitch is at it again!
Jill "The Bitch" Zarin is stirring up shit again!  Here is what she twated: 


Well, you just know that Mz. Chick couldn't resist that invitation!  She promptly signed up for that fame whore's "unedited" blog!  You can read what Jill "The Bitch" Zarin wrote on Bravo's blog here.

The UNEDITED version is basically more bullshit promotion of The Bitch's fame whore ways.  Damn!  Mz. Chick admires that fame whoring bitch!  She only hopes she can reach that level of self-promoting, narcissistic, delusional behavior herself one day!  Kudos, Mz. Zarin!

Here is "THE TRUTH" according to Jill "The Bitch" Zarin:
It appears on the show that the only issue was what Simon was tweeting. That is not entirely accurate. Simon has hosted a person who has stalked me at my home and office, in their home for one of the boy's birthday parties. He knew exactly who she was, as he met her through another person who has seriously threatened my family to the point we had to call the police and postal service security. For them to deny it now is simply ridiculous as there is a paper trail a mile long thanks to my cyber assistants. As usual Bobby's instincts were right. My cyber assistants later discovered that Alex actually attended my anti-bullying luncheon the day after she and Simon entertained someone they knew to be my stalker, in their home. Not someone who just stalked me, but was also accused of stalking a former employee of hers. How would you feel?
(Mz. Chick disclaimer:  Mz. Chick is only copying a small portion of the "newsletter" from Mz. Zarin to "critique it."  In other words, fair use, bitches!)

Bravo probably didn't let that go through on their website because they didn't want to get sued and Mz. Andy didn't want to lose his job!  Show us this "paper trail" by your "cyber assistants" (I KNEW IT, the bitch pays people to monitor everything that gets said about her on the web!  HAHAHAHAHA!  Silly bitch!).  You know that if she had any evidence, she would have been waving it around all over the place long before now!

She also accuses Simon of deleting "mean tweets!"  Excuse the fuck out of Mz. Chick,  but you're the only one who goes around deleting shit! (Wow!  Mz. Chick is about to get violent up in here!  Watch out, bitches!)  Does Mz. Chick need to remind you of the fucketry you engaged in just this week?  Here is what Simon twated about that:
My twitter feed is public unlike some I dont delete tweets or Facebook posts Where r my cyber bullying tweets #JustCosUSayItDoesntMakeItTrue
And you know what?  Mz. Chick believes her fellow drunken man-bitch. Furthermore, he owned up to the whole "watch out" comment and twated that he felt badly about that.  Unlike Mz. Zarin, my fellow drunk man-bitch owns his actions!  Cheers, darling!

My favorite fellow drunken bitch Ramona Singer also jumped in and posted this in in her blog today:
I was very surprised by the way Jill was speaking about Simon in reference to the negative Facebook posts and Tweets. Was Jill really speaking about herself? I have never witnessed any of this from Simon, but Jill on the other hand gets caught left and right and then deletes her posts like they never happened!
Now, Mz. Chick fully believes (because she is becoming a delusional Twater Fame Whore) that this can only mean that my favorite fellow drunken bitch, Mz. Singer, read Mz. Chick's post on what Mz. Zarin did this week!  If so, hello and cheers Mz. Singer!

Moving on to some more delusional behavior of Jill "The Bitch" Zarin.

Mz. Chick has learned a valuable lesson.  Whatever BS Mz. Zarin spews, hit the fucking print screen button.

Firstly, Mz. Chick wants to know if @RealityTVMorons is now being blocked by Mz. Zarin?  Do dish, darling (if you read this drunken mess of a blog).  Mz. Chick does recognize the handle!  Secondly, we really believe that Mz. Zarin doesn't know a thing about buying twaters!  Maybe she should ask her (paid) cyber assistants.  Also, yesterday, many new Twater accounts were made who just happened to be Mz. Zarin fans!  One of them even twated to Mz. Divine Horse Teeth with reference to yours truly:

Mz. Chick is becoming Twater famous, bitches!

Here that, Mz. Divine Horse Teeth?  You better straighten up or else Mz. Zarin is going to send her paid cyber assistants to pay you a visit!  And Mz. Chick is mad about this twater claiming that she hates Mz. Zarin!  Mz. Chick looks to Mz. Zarin as her role model on how to be a Mean Bitch who indulges in remarkable displays of public drunken stupidity!  Get it straight, or else Mz. Chick is going to start mean twating you, bitch!  

Mz. Zarin also bragged about her new followers:


Mz. Chick wonders if she can RSVP to the ustream.com party?
So, she pays her "cyber assistants" to follow her and feels love back from them?  Mz. Chick objects at all of the porno references running through her drunken head!  Mz. Chick also objects to the fact that one of her paid cyber assistants blocked her from commenting on The Bitch's Facebook!  Mz. Chick wonders just what she has done to her role-model-in-fame-whoring, Mz. Jill "The Bitch" Zarin?  

Enough with messing around with this silly bitch (at least, for today)!

Other Housewife News
  • The Housewives Hoedown has a video of Anderson Cooper recounting a conversation he had with NeNe.  She drunk dialed him and yelled "Don't be tarty for the party!"  Awesome.  Get your drink on, bitch!
  • "I Hate Jill Zarin" (the blog owned by the Glorious Lynn) has a much more coherent version (read: not drunk) of what went down last night on the Real Housebitches of New York.
  • Jezebel has a post up about the whole "mean tweeting" stupidity going on from last night's episode.
Other News
  • Baby Mama Drama!  The lovely Salama Hayek's hubby apparently got down and dirty with the equally lovely Linda Evangelista and fathered a son with her!  But don't worry, he didn't "officially" cheat on Mz. Hayek.  This supposedly happened when the two had broken up for a time. 
  • Etiquette tip: How to Menstruate Politely.  Countless, are you paying attention?  Wait, you have to be a woman for this tip.  Never mind, Countless, so sorry!
  • Be warned, if you kiss a preacher who is protesting gay people and shouting that everyone is going to hell, you will be charged with assault.  Mz. Chick recommends just punching them instead.  (Mz. Chick takes no responsibility if one of her drunken followers actually does this.)


Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day
If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.
  1. BravoBitchy1 (Twitter Page ): And I don't want to melt mommy! WTF?! For real? I had to laugh, but def gonna kick ex in the balls next time I see him! (All exes need to be kicked in the balls.  At least once.)
  2. Mamecastle (Twitter Page): Good, I think the Y chromosome just fucks everything up anyway. Looking at you Koo-Koo Man-Hands Kelly!  (Mz. Chick just figured out what is wrong with the Countless!)
  3. kikilet (Twitter Page): @KellyBensimon Your stepnrepeat beavershot reveals Transvaginal Mesh Failure. Contact a magician asap.  (Mz. Chick has absolutely no idea....but she does know that this is funny!)
  4. BlckdByJilZarin (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick I was about to ask if you'd fallen while getting the wine. (All the damned time, darling.)
  5. AmyBartsch (Twitter Page ): @MzElizaChick That's right bitch! Lol Prunk and Droud !  ("Prunk and Droud" is now Mz. Chick's new motto!)
  6. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): is proud to be a passionate bitch (Own it, you drunken passionate bitch!)
  7. likim16 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Your blog is a hoot, just fabulous darrrrling... (Mz. Chick just so loves people kissing her twater-fame-whore-ass!)
  8. cellabella1 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick #fuckwhore..that's some funny stuff! Thanks 4the link! I needed help. #blameitonthewine. Or @Jillzarin. #mzchickiewhore<famous (What top 10 drunken twats wouldn't be complete without one of Cheryl's drunken ramblings?!?)
  9. QuincyILIHJZ (Twitter Page): Bobby Zarin wants to upgrade Jill's computer dept. He just bought Skynet. Q (Jill is going to bankrupt that poor man.)
  10. bronzebeau (Twitter Page): @kellybensimon Kook, your dried up leather, orange, square tits linebacker body is bothering me. Make it stop. ASAP. #rhony (MEAN TWIT!  TWAT!!  WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!!)
Mz. Chick is making up for the fact that she didn't post this in the second update yesterday.  You're welcome!