No Snark. All Love.

Hi.

I haven't been around due to some personal health issues.  I do, however, read the blogs, especially Lynn's (I've just been too sick to comment).

Today, I heard the news about Lynn.  Lynn was funny, sarcastic and did everything she could to promote other bloggers.  When I caught Jill in one of her ridiculous antics, Lynn and I giggled gleefully and she helped put my blog on the radar with a link to the post.

She had a whole on-line community that loved her.  By all reports, everyone she met "in real life" instantly fell in love with her.  I believe it.

To her family and friends (on-line and otherwise):  I offer my most heart-felt sympathies.

Oh, and Lynn?  Could you save me a glass of red in blogger heaven? 

With Love,

Mz. Eliza Chick

Mz. Chick Got Drunk Again, Forgot About the Blog

Holy shit, bitches!  Mz. Chick went on a major bender and totally forgot to update her blog.  So much for being Twatter famous!

Anyway, Mz. Chick did watch the reunion last night with The Real House Bitches of New York and has a massive headache trying to figure what all those drunken bitches were yelling about!  However, she did manage to decipher some of the drunken yelling, so here are some of her favorite things that happened.

Mz. Chick lost her shit when Jill "The Bitch" Zarin "defended" The Countless and her..ahem.."mothering skills" by telling Mz. Singer that if she doesn't shut up talking about that shit, she would have to deal with her.   Hahahahahahaha!  Oh, fuck!  Seriously?  This bitch usually sends her whipped hubby after the other women because she can't fight her own battles, but she is going to fight for The Countless!

Better watch out Mz. Singer, or you'll have to deal with THIS!!

The best line of the night, hands down there are NO ARGUMENTS ABOUT THIS BECAUSE MZ. CHICK SAYS SO, was when the Divine Mz. McCord told Cindy that she needed to get laid.  HOLY SHIT, bitches!  Mz. Chick completely lost it!  Red wine went flying everywhere, cats went running under the couch and Mz. Chick practically died laughing right there on her living room floor over that one.  KA-POW, BITCH!  Hahahahahahahaha!

As a side note, Mz. Singer?  You know Mz. Chick loves you (especially because she knows you sometimes read this blog) and she is about to give you a little piece of advice.  Now, this only comes out of a place of love, so here it goes.  The audience really didn't need to know that Aunt Flow was in town last night.  No, just no, darling.

Okay, bitches, Mz. Chick is going to work on updating this blog with everything she missed and work really hard on becoming Twatter famous once again.  Mz. Chick thanks her devoted readers for not bailing on her while she got her shit together.  Cheers, darlings!

Quick Shout-Outs

Mz. Chick would like to thank all her bitches for the get well wishes.  She is doing better, but she has decided to take it easy today.  She might right a proper post today, but makes no promises.

Mz. Chick would also like to thank THE GLORIOUS LYNN of the infamous "I Hate Jill Zarin" blog (and the other writers) for her continued support of this hot drunken mess.  Mz. Chick reads the blog everyday (and admires the not-drunk writing) and pees herself in excitement whenever she sees a link back.  Thank you, darlings!

Mz. Chick has been banned by a DOG from the Twatter.

Twatter Whore Famedom achievement unlocked: Jill's dog banned Mz. Chick from the Twatter!  At first, Mz. Chick was all like "WTF?!  A dog can ban people from their Twatter?  This is reaching a new low, even for Mz. Chick!"  Then she downed a bottle of wine (which didn't help her dizzy condition) and laughed the drunken slut laugh (that she learned from Mz. Rossi).  For those of you that are playing at home, Mz. Chick now is banned from the following three Twatter accounts:

• Mz. Zarin (nothing new, practically everyone is banned from that bitch's Twatter!)
• Mz. Zarin's DOG
• Mz. Rossi (this kills Mz. Chick, because that means Mz. Rossi actually read this blog!)

Because someone actually emailed Mz. Chick wondering where this picture was!

Mz. Chick is Not Feeling Well

Hello, bitches!  Mz. Chick is not feeling well (hopefully she will be fine by tomorrow).  She thought she would post this before dragging her sorry ass back to bed.  You're welcome!

Gretchen and Slade Just Got OWNED

Note:  In honor of Jelly Beans twatter comment today, Mz. Chick is replacing any curse words with "duck" for your amusement.  You're welcome!

Instead of feeding Corn Dogs to people, maybe Slimey should get a job.  Just sayin.

On June 14, Mz. Rossi wrote this in her Bravo blog:

I challenge any news outlet, Tamra, or anyone that has balls enough to get the correct information about this support issue out there to ask for proof and documentation regarding payments and contributions to Grayson and his mother.  Slade will have no problem disclosing those documents. 

Trust the National Enquirer to take on that challenge!  That's right ducks, Mz. Chick's favorite rag did go and ask.  Slimey produced two $500 money orders, but refused to comment on the $160,000 he still owes for child support of his sick son.  Furthermore, he claims that a "production company" made a $20,000 donation in his name to his son.  How ducking pathetic is that?  Michelle Arroyo, the mother of the child, would also like to see the documentation that Mz. Rossi is writing about!   

What ducks Mz. Chick off even more is that Bravo is covering up for this dead-beat fame duck for the ratings!  Mz. Chick is seriously considering never watching the steaming pile of duck that is the Real House Ducks of Orange County if that duckhole is on next season!

DUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

The Countless Being a Fame Whore (Again)

Click to make image an even bigger hot drunken mess.

The Countless is, once again, promoting that hot drunken mess of a "song" "Chic, C'est La Vie" by posting this on her Facebook today.  Mz. Chick has been making herself sick by giggling at this pic!  

In case you peons (because that is how the Countless views all of us) didn't know, the title of the song simply translates to "This is the life."  Voir, je parle français trop! Je t'encule!  Hahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is getting all bilingual up in here, bitches!

Anyway, the only other House Bitches that showed up for this mess was Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and Kelly "Jelly Beans" Bensimon.  Mz. Chick wonders if Jelly Beans actually showed up on time for a change?

Top Ten Drunken Twatter Posts For July 6, 2011

Mz. Chick was a bit confused (nothing new there, bitches!) about whether her version of Twitter should be spelled "Twatter" or "Twater."  So, she turned to her fellow drunken bitches and asked how they thought it should be spelled on her Facebook page.  So far, everyone agrees it should be spelled with two t's.  Polls still opened, so get to voting, bitches!

Mz. Chick also fame-whored herself out last night and asked for some followers.  Her bitches came through for her!  Welcome to all the new bitches and thanks to everyone else for getting the message out!  Mz. Chick truly loves her twatter family!

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care) (read this post for more information).

Top Ten Drunken Twats Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twatter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Mz. Chick's Twatter Page

1. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): Come on tweeps @MzElizaChick needs just 10 more peeps to make 200. Help her Twatter dreams come true. The poor bitch has no life (You've got that right, sister!)
2. RochNRachel (Twitter Page): kinda like my red wine with a cock garnish! (Mz. Chick approves of drunken sluts!  Cheers, darling!)
3. jenleeman (Twitter Page):  looking forward to hearing your views on cock and red wine ; )  (Mz. Chick's live stream on the Twatter is now turning into a porn chat.)
4. ARoss119 (Twitter Page): I have some extra midol is anyone needs any even men have moments too (Bless you, darling!)
5. cellabella1 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick You made your own #redwinedrinkinfuckwhore self twatter famous! Congrats to YOU! xxxxxxxGoodnight!  (Thank you, darling!)
6. misterjoep (Twitter Page): Hey all you wacky #twitterfriends out there meet @MZELIZACHICK. She is new to the group so play nice. (Mz. Chick never plays nice, darling, but she appreciates the shout-out!)
7. teripope (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Transvaginal Mesh Failure! I understand it and it's fking hilarious!!LMAO! peeing even!  (Mz. Chick has no idea what Transvaginal Mesh Failure is, but whenever she sees it, she can't help but laugh!)
8. NDakotaNative (Twitter Page): @QueenofSpain smack her for those of us wanting to be there.  (Mz. Chick approves of drunken twatter cat fights.)
9. Whiteheart18 (Twitter Page): @ladygaga I'm a forty-three going on forty-four year old monster. please follow me. It would make my year.   (Mz. Chick approves of being a fame whore!  Hope she followed, darling!)
10. amybrown1221 (Twitter Page): Watching an old episode of #RHONY and god Kelly is insane and Luann is a bitch. Just saying.  (This should be repeated as much as possible.)

Just because Mz. Chick's bitches like this picture so much!

Jill Zarin is Now Cyber-Bullying Fans of the Show!

Holy shit balls, bitches!  Overnight, my twatter and email exploded with my bitches emailing me and twattering me about the fucketry Mz. Zarin is engaged in once again!  This time, she is cyber-bullying fans of the show through her dog's twatter!  That's right, bitches!  Mz. Zarin is now using her Giggy-wanna-be to harass fans!  Hahahahahaha!  Of course, Mz. Chick has got the screen shots to prove it, too!

Ginger, you are no Giggy!

Here is what went down, bitches!  It all started when someone who calls themselves AveryNYC (Twatter Page) began accusing Marisa (Twatter Page) of owning a blog called  An American Royal.  Mz. Chick will admit to her bias here, because she adores Mz. Marisa, so keep that in mind (see, Mz. Zarin, that is how you tell the truth and get your story straight, pay attention!).  Anyway, Mz. Marisa (one of Mz. Chick's bitches) denied it.  And Mz. Chick believes her!  Mz. Marisa and Lady Brooks (Twatter Page), the person who runs the blog, both blocked and locked down their Twatter page because they didn't want to deal with AveryNYC's fucketry.  Of course, the stupid bitch AveryNYC figures this is proof that the two are one in the same!  Hahahaha!  Stupid bitch.  Mz. Marisa also mentioned that Twatter was engaged in some fucketry and her account was acting funny (nothing new there!).  Furthermore, Mz. Zarin had unblocked Mz. Marisa and joked that she thought Mz. Zarin must have hacked into her account.  Mz. Chick mentions this because it comes into play a little latter.  Read on, bitches!

Now, Mz. Chick fully believes that AveryNYC is one of Mz. Zarin's paid "cyber assistants."  Why?  Because the account Mz. Zarin set up for her dog started twattering to Mz. Marisa!  (Mz. Chick also thinks it is a low-blow to use the name "AveryNYC."  Does Mz. Zarin really think people will get confused and think this is Mz. Singer's daughter?)

Stupidity.  By Bravo.

Now, Mz. Zarin (and Mz. Chick knows this is Mz. Zarin engaged in fucketry...because her gut tells her, that is why!) twats that Mz. Marisa is being blocked.  Now, remember what you read above?  Mz. Marisa's twatter about her problems with her account?  How would Mz. Zarin know about that twat when she has her blocked?  BUSTED, BITCH!   Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!  Oh yeah, Mz. Zarin is a reality "star," too.  Mz. Chick thinks she needs to talk to Mz. Frankel about what a real reality "star" is!  Yes, Mz. Chick went there, bitches!

It gets better, Mz. Zarin thinks that we are buying that she is not twattering through this account and continues to engage in fucketry with other fans of the show:

Human helper?  Mz. Chick guesses that Mz. Zarin does qualify as human....

Cyber-bullying.  By Bravo.

Mz. Chick would like to thank the following bitches for alerting her or providing information for this post (Mz. Chick will use their Twatter Names and link to their pages): MarisaGreenLevy  ,BlckdByJilZarin, and Yelobrckrd.  Thank you, bitches, for the notifications, screen shots and the general glee about catching Mz. Zarin acting up again!  Mz. Chick loves her bitches!

UPDATE:
Pghemtchick just alerted Mz. Chick of this rather racist twat:

Just how low-class can Mz. Zarin get?  Mz. Chick thinks it might be time to unleash the House Bitches of New Jersey on her ass!

Mz. Chicks Mailbag: A Bedtime Story

One of Mz. Chick's favorite drunken twaters, AmyBartsch (Twater Page) twated her this beautiful bedtime story about today's events at NASDAQ today.  Mz. Chick thought that her fellow drunken bitches would enjoy this:

Ramona's eyes finally popped out of her head watching jill ring the bell today. Kelly, thinking they were butterflies went to catch them, fell down and lost track of what she was doing so so she made sand angels. Luann wrote a song called these eyes but got sued for copyright issues. Alex and simon were ball gagged in sonja's baaement as cindy's kids cried for food.

Of course, if you have a story to share, twat or email Mz. Chick and she will be happy to put your drunken mess on her blog.  Cheers, my bitches!

Mz. Chick knows how much her bitches love this picture!

Mz. Chick is Fascinated

Mz. Chick is just fascinated over Mr. Van Damme's frozen pants and man-penguin walk.  For those of you who don't know, Mr. Van Damme is best known for having a giant ass and starring in such movies as "Bloodsport" and "Universal Soldier."