Top Ten Drunken Twatter Posts For July 6, 2011

Mz. Chick was a bit confused (nothing new there, bitches!) about whether her version of Twitter should be spelled "Twatter" or "Twater."  So, she turned to her fellow drunken bitches and asked how they thought it should be spelled on her Facebook page.  So far, everyone agrees it should be spelled with two t's.  Polls still opened, so get to voting, bitches!

Mz. Chick also fame-whored herself out last night and asked for some followers.  Her bitches came through for her!  Welcome to all the new bitches and thanks to everyone else for getting the message out!  Mz. Chick truly loves her twatter family!

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care) (read this post for more information).

Top Ten Drunken Twats Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twatter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Mz. Chick's Twatter Page

1. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): Come on tweeps @MzElizaChick needs just 10 more peeps to make 200. Help her Twatter dreams come true. The poor bitch has no life (You've got that right, sister!)
2. RochNRachel (Twitter Page): kinda like my red wine with a cock garnish! (Mz. Chick approves of drunken sluts!  Cheers, darling!)
3. jenleeman (Twitter Page):  looking forward to hearing your views on cock and red wine ; )  (Mz. Chick's live stream on the Twatter is now turning into a porn chat.)
4. ARoss119 (Twitter Page): I have some extra midol is anyone needs any even men have moments too (Bless you, darling!)
5. cellabella1 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick You made your own #redwinedrinkinfuckwhore self twatter famous! Congrats to YOU! xxxxxxxGoodnight!  (Thank you, darling!)
6. misterjoep (Twitter Page): Hey all you wacky #twitterfriends out there meet @MZELIZACHICK. She is new to the group so play nice. (Mz. Chick never plays nice, darling, but she appreciates the shout-out!)
7. teripope (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Transvaginal Mesh Failure! I understand it and it's fking hilarious!!LMAO! peeing even!  (Mz. Chick has no idea what Transvaginal Mesh Failure is, but whenever she sees it, she can't help but laugh!)
8. NDakotaNative (Twitter Page): @QueenofSpain smack her for those of us wanting to be there.  (Mz. Chick approves of drunken twatter cat fights.)
9. Whiteheart18 (Twitter Page): @ladygaga I'm a forty-three going on forty-four year old monster. please follow me. It would make my year.   (Mz. Chick approves of being a fame whore!  Hope she followed, darling!)
10. amybrown1221 (Twitter Page): Watching an old episode of #RHONY and god Kelly is insane and Luann is a bitch. Just saying.  (This should be repeated as much as possible.)

Just because Mz. Chick's bitches like this picture so much!

Drunken Twats of the Day

Mz. Chick has got multiple twats about her bitches peeing themselves laughing and asking Mz. Chick to send them Depends.  Mz. Chick isn't buying you bitches anything, she needs all her money for red wine!  However, she will post smaller updates during the day so those of you who can't control their bladder will have time to reach the toilet.  You're welcome!

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care) (read this post for more information).

Top Ten Drunken Twats Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Mz. Chick's Twater Page

1. cellabella1 (Twitter Page): *sings* oh where oh where is my @MzElizaChick? Oh where, oh where can that #fuckwhore be....  (Mz. Chick just loves this drunken bitch!)
2. RealOldHousewive (Twitter Page):  @AWenchLikeMe Told Bella if I ever catch her on street corner offering to do nasty things to strange dogs for drugs- off to rehab she goes (Twater friends look out for their own!)
3. KerryHollingswo (Twitter Page): Idiots down the road are shooting guns! redneckfireworks  (#fuckwhores!)
4. lori024 (Twitter Page): Women were wearing bikinis, stilletto's & fur vests! No shitsky! On the deck of the waterfront restaurant.  (If their is red wine, it sounds like Mz. Chick's kind of crowd!)
5. MegTheSequel (Twitter Page): I can help you here. Was it a nice pussy smell or like flounder rotting on a dock? (Mz. Chick just threw up in her mouth.)
6. AmyBartsch (Twitter Page): My poor dog! She is running around like a fart in a skillet! The city's Fireworks are very close by.  (Mz. Chick just loves drunken metaphors!)
7. RochNRachel (Twitter Page ):  bitch has got acid crotch! (That must hurt!)
8. thekat0711 (Twitter Page):  Wowww. Email invite, subject "...an organic farm film in French with English subtitles" just wowww. Darn I hope I'm busy that night? (If they have wine, go, otherwise tell them to fuck off.)
9. Reality_Buzz (Twitter Page):  She's a Killer Queen Gunpowder, gelatine Dynamite with a laser beam Guaranteed to blow your mind Anytime (Yes Mz. Chick is!)
10. tracistantord (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick hahaha,, Great blog Mz. Chick! Keep em coming (Mz. Chick just loves her bitches kissing her ass!  Thank you, darling!)

Mz. Chick almost forgot to post this picture!  The horror!

Drunken Fourth of July Update of the Day

Hello again, bitches!  Grab your wine because here is your update of the day!  Let's just get to it:

The pic that got Mz. Chick banned from Mz. Rossi's twater!

The big news is that Mz. Chick is becoming even more Twater famous, bitches!  Gretchen "The Slut" Rossi has blocked Mz. Chick from her twater!  Mz. Chick hasn't even gotten around to fucking with the bitch on the Twater, she just posted one little snarky post about corn dogs and supporting a dead-beat fame-whore and BAM!  The bitch banned Mz. Chick!  Hahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is quite proud of this accomplishment.

Mz. Gorga in a dress any drunken whore would be proud of!

In The Real House Bitches of New Jersey news, the National Enquirer is claiming that Melissa Gorga swings both ways!  That's right bitches, Mz. Gorga has swam in the lady pond!  Mz. Chick can here her fellow drunken bitches screech, "But, Mz. Chick, darling, this is the National Enquirer reporting this!  You can't possibly believe in that rag!"  Oh, yes I do, bitches!  When it comes to sex scandals, the National Enquirer is all over that shit and gets it right (see Bill Clinton, John Edwards, The Arnold, etc.).  Hahahahaha!  I wonder if this is the reason why Tree and the rest of her family don't particularly like Mz. Gorga?  That and she is a manipulative bitch!

Right back at ya, Mz. Staub!

Mz. Chick is giggling in drunken glee that Mz. Danielle Staub is going to be back on television.  This time, she is on a VH1 show called "Famous Food" and it will debut this Sunday at ten eastern. Yes, bitches, at the same time as The Real House Bitches of New Jersey!  Hahahaha!  Does VH1 really think people will turn into this train wreck instead of watching The House Bitches?  Mz. Chick is thankful for her wonderful DVR.  If it is the train wreck that she is hoping for, you can rest assure that Mz. Chick will keep you updated about this!  If you would like to see a trailer of this drunken mess, The Housewives Hoedown has kindly posted the drunken mess on their blog.

Mz. Zarin, the lousy tipper who slams cab doors in people's faces (allegedly)!

Holy shit, bitches!  Check out comments on Mz. Chick's last drunken update to get the dirt on some rumors floating around NYC about Mz. Zarin's scandalous behavior!  To cover Mz. Chick's ass (and believe her, this is a big cover) Mz. Chick does not take any responsibility for comments left on her blog.  She is offering a forum for others to vent.  That being said, if these rumors are true (more ass covering by Mz. Chick), Mz. Zarin can't blame editing on this!  Thanks to my fellow drunken bitches who left these comments, you are always welcome to vent to Mz. Chick!

Can anyone tell Mz. Chick why this bitch is ringing the NASDAQ opening bell tomorrow?  Mz. Chick just doesn't get why a bunch of Wall Street types want to be associated with Fame Whores.  Then again, those Wall Street types are a bunch of money whores and Bobby must have paid someone a pretty penny for that "privilege!"

Just a quick note to remind certain bitches who post---Mz. Chick doesn't have many rules for comments, only the following: no spam, no racist remarks and no homophobic remarks.  Mz. Chick will delete them because she doesn't want that shit on her blog (even Mz. Chick has some standards, bitches!).

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care!) (read this post for more information)!  Also, be sure to check out The Real House Bitches of Orange County's biography page.

In Other House Bitch News:

• The Glorious Lynn has a great post up on her blog (when does she not?).  This one is full of comments made on Mz. Zarin's Bravo blog before the delete fairy decided to make a visit.
• Click here to read a statement from Marlo Hampton's (the newest Atlanta House Bitch) statement on her criminal past.
• Melissa Gorga is once again upping Teresea, this time by having her little girl star in a commercial for the kids network, Nickelodeon.  Watch out G-to-the-IA!

In Other News:

• If you have a life (unlike Mz. Chick) Jezebel has the top ten moments on reality TV this week that you might have missed.  Highlights:  Paris Hilton's camel toe, black balls and Juicy Joe's (vomit) cock ring (Mz. Chick is now going to hunt down Mz. Andy and beat the ever-living drunken shit out of him).
• Just days after getting out of rehab, Weston Cage (son of Nicholas) and his wife, Nikki Williams, were both arrested for domestic violence.  While Mz. Chick approves of drunken behavior, she does not approve of violence, bitches (unless she is beating the ever-living shit out of Mz. Andy for that particular scene)!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Mz. Chick's Twater Page

1. meekat81 (Twitter Page): I JUST WANTED TO LET U KNOW............. I FARTED AND IT TICKLED MY BUTT :D (Thank you for keeping us all updated on your ass.)
2. CnutInAKattan (Twitter Page ): Monaco is swimming in cash. Surely Princess Stephanie can afford Botox. Money can't buy you class, but it could get a good dermatologist. (The nerve of some people!  How dare she gracefully age!  Mz. Chick disapproves highly!)
3. goddess_tamara (Twitter Page): @SoTinaO @MarieDomina I'm telling you, that's how Sonja Morgan got the lazy eye! One too many cum shots in the face! #TrueStory  (Mz. Chick loves The Beautiful Mz. Morgan, but this was some funny shit!)
4. SassNSauce (Twitter Page): @ellegoblue stinking drunk crotch grabbing may be more accepted in her crowd over there. (It is certainly accepted in Mz. Chick's!)
5. _reallymelissa (Twitter Page): @bravoandy 's bollocks are in @JillZarin 's Birkin bag (Darling, where else would she keep them?)
6. MamaXanax (Twitter Page): Thanks for the support, gals. I'm a natural-born swallower (There is such a thing as to much information, darling.)
7. TruthSucceeds (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Listening to Mr. BOZO Bullshit Baez, with kkb's retarded tweet... SNAP! Here's creative for you @kellybensimon: STOOPID COW! (Here is hoping that Mr. Bozo Bullshit Baez, Mz. Bensimon, and TruthSucceeds are all in the same room together.  It should be epic!)
8. shadester126 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick fck yeah! I am going to work hard at making your tweet list! Ballz to the wall!! (Congratulations, darling!)
9. Gindaloony (Twitter Page ): Stop trying to deep throat me with your Twittelator! (OH MY!  Mz. Chick is shocked at the pornography on Twater!)
10. thekat0711 (Twitter Page): My &$@ing neighbor is playing just the chorus of Poker Face on repeat.  (While Mz. Chick does not approve of violence, this is one of those times when it is called for.  Punch them.  No jury will find you guilty.)

Drunken Post of the Day: Mz. Zarin is a Fame Whore

First, Mz. Chick would like to wish a happy Canada Day to all you Canadian bitches out there!  Mz. Chick highly approves of her neighbors to the north!  Especially when you get drunk and hit each other over the head with hockey sticks, pour maple syrup all over yourselves, stick Canadian Bacon on your body and yell "EH!" at the top of your voice.  (Mz. Chick teases because she loves.)

Mz. Chick is sad to report that she will not be blogging during the weekends.  Even her drunken ass needs a break from all this Housebitch fucketry going on!  However, if something major happens, you know Mz. Chick will let loose a giggle of glee and rush to her computer to update her blog and let all her bitches know about it.  She will be on the Twater over the weekend, so pop in and give your favorite drunken bitch blogger a shout-out!

Just in case she is to drunk to post on Monday: Mz. Chick wishes to extend a Happy Fourth of July to all her  fellow U.S.A. bitches!  Don't kill yourselves by blowing up fireworks, hitting each other over the head with a football, or kill someone else by being a bit overenthusiastic when you smash apple pies into their face!

This bitch is at it again!

Jill "The Bitch" Zarin is stirring up shit again!  Here is what she twated: 

Well, you just know that Mz. Chick couldn't resist that invitation!  She promptly signed up for that fame whore's "unedited" blog!  You can read what Jill "The Bitch" Zarin wrote on Bravo's blog here.

The UNEDITED version is basically more bullshit promotion of The Bitch's fame whore ways.  Damn!  Mz. Chick admires that fame whoring bitch!  She only hopes she can reach that level of self-promoting, narcissistic, delusional behavior herself one day!  Kudos, Mz. Zarin!

Here is "THE TRUTH" according to Jill "The Bitch" Zarin:

It appears on the show that the only issue was what Simon was tweeting. That is not entirely accurate. Simon has hosted a person who has stalked me at my home and office, in their home for one of the boy's birthday parties. He knew exactly who she was, as he met her through another person who has seriously threatened my family to the point we had to call the police and postal service security. For them to deny it now is simply ridiculous as there is a paper trail a mile long thanks to my cyber assistants. As usual Bobby's instincts were right. My cyber assistants later discovered that Alex actually attended my anti-bullying luncheon the day after she and Simon entertained someone they knew to be my stalker, in their home. Not someone who just stalked me, but was also accused of stalking a former employee of hers. How would you feel?

(Mz. Chick disclaimer:  Mz. Chick is only copying a small portion of the "newsletter" from Mz. Zarin to "critique it."  In other words, fair use, bitches!)

Bravo probably didn't let that go through on their website because they didn't want to get sued and Mz. Andy didn't want to lose his job!  Show us this "paper trail" by your "cyber assistants" (I KNEW IT, the bitch pays people to monitor everything that gets said about her on the web!  HAHAHAHAHA!  Silly bitch!).  You know that if she had any evidence, she would have been waving it around all over the place long before now!

She also accuses Simon of deleting "mean tweets!"  Excuse the fuck out of Mz. Chick,  but you're the only one who goes around deleting shit! (Wow!  Mz. Chick is about to get violent up in here!  Watch out, bitches!)  Does Mz. Chick need to remind you of the fucketry you engaged in just this week?  Here is what Simon twated about that:

My twitter feed is public unlike some I dont delete tweets or Facebook posts Where r my cyber bullying tweets #JustCosUSayItDoesntMakeItTrue

And you know what?  Mz. Chick believes her fellow drunken man-bitch. Furthermore, he owned up to the whole "watch out" comment and twated that he felt badly about that.  Unlike Mz. Zarin, my fellow drunk man-bitch owns his actions!  Cheers, darling!

My favorite fellow drunken bitch Ramona Singer also jumped in and posted this in in her blog today:

I was very surprised by the way Jill was speaking about Simon in reference to the negative Facebook posts and Tweets. Was Jill really speaking about herself? I have never witnessed any of this from Simon, but Jill on the other hand gets caught left and right and then deletes her posts like they never happened!

Now, Mz. Chick fully believes (because she is becoming a delusional Twater Fame Whore) that this can only mean that my favorite fellow drunken bitch, Mz. Singer, read Mz. Chick's post on what Mz. Zarin did this week!  If so, hello and cheers Mz. Singer!

Moving on to some more delusional behavior of Jill "The Bitch" Zarin.

Mz. Chick has learned a valuable lesson.  Whatever BS Mz. Zarin spews, hit the fucking print screen button.

Firstly, Mz. Chick wants to know if @RealityTVMorons is now being blocked by Mz. Zarin?  Do dish, darling (if you read this drunken mess of a blog).  Mz. Chick does recognize the handle!  Secondly, we really believe that Mz. Zarin doesn't know a thing about buying twaters!  Maybe she should ask her (paid) cyber assistants.  Also, yesterday, many new Twater accounts were made who just happened to be Mz. Zarin fans!  One of them even twated to Mz. Divine Horse Teeth with reference to yours truly:

Mz. Chick is becoming Twater famous, bitches!

Here that, Mz. Divine Horse Teeth?  You better straighten up or else Mz. Zarin is going to send her paid cyber assistants to pay you a visit!  And Mz. Chick is mad about this twater claiming that she hates Mz. Zarin!  Mz. Chick looks to Mz. Zarin as her role model on how to be a Mean Bitch who indulges in remarkable displays of public drunken stupidity!  Get it straight, or else Mz. Chick is going to start mean twating you, bitch!  

Mz. Zarin also bragged about her new followers:

Mz. Chick wonders if she can RSVP to the ustream.com party?

So, she pays her "cyber assistants" to follow her and feels love back from them?  Mz. Chick objects at all of the porno references running through her drunken head!  Mz. Chick also objects to the fact that one of her paid cyber assistants blocked her from commenting on The Bitch's Facebook!  Mz. Chick wonders just what she has done to her role-model-in-fame-whoring, Mz. Jill "The Bitch" Zarin?  

Enough with messing around with this silly bitch (at least, for today)!

Other Housewife News

• The Housewives Hoedown has a video of Anderson Cooper recounting a conversation he had with NeNe.  She drunk dialed him and yelled "Don't be tarty for the party!"  Awesome.  Get your drink on, bitch!
• "I Hate Jill Zarin" (the blog owned by the Glorious Lynn) has a much more coherent version (read: not drunk) of what went down last night on the Real Housebitches of New York.
• Jezebel has a post up about the whole "mean tweeting" stupidity going on from last night's episode.

Other News

• Baby Mama Drama!  The lovely Salama Hayek's hubby apparently got down and dirty with the equally lovely Linda Evangelista and fathered a son with her!  But don't worry, he didn't "officially" cheat on Mz. Hayek.  This supposedly happened when the two had broken up for a time. 
• Etiquette tip: How to Menstruate Politely.  Countless, are you paying attention?  Wait, you have to be a woman for this tip.  Never mind, Countless, so sorry!
• Be warned, if you kiss a preacher who is protesting gay people and shouting that everyone is going to hell, you will be charged with assault.  Mz. Chick recommends just punching them instead.  (Mz. Chick takes no responsibility if one of her drunken followers actually does this.)

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Mz. Chick's Twater Page

1. BravoBitchy1 (Twitter Page ): And I don't want to melt mommy! WTF?! For real? I had to laugh, but def gonna kick ex in the balls next time I see him! (All exes need to be kicked in the balls.  At least once.)
2. Mamecastle (Twitter Page): Good, I think the Y chromosome just fucks everything up anyway. Looking at you Koo-Koo Man-Hands Kelly!  (Mz. Chick just figured out what is wrong with the Countless!)
3. kikilet (Twitter Page): @KellyBensimon Your stepnrepeat beavershot reveals Transvaginal Mesh Failure. Contact a magician asap.  (Mz. Chick has absolutely no idea....but she does know that this is funny!)
4. BlckdByJilZarin (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick I was about to ask if you'd fallen while getting the wine. (All the damned time, darling.)
5. AmyBartsch (Twitter Page ): @MzElizaChick That's right bitch! Lol Prunk and Droud !  ("Prunk and Droud" is now Mz. Chick's new motto!)
6. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): is proud to be a passionate bitch (Own it, you drunken passionate bitch!)
7. likim16 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Your blog is a hoot, just fabulous darrrrling... (Mz. Chick just so loves people kissing her twater-fame-whore-ass!)
8. cellabella1 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick #fuckwhore..that's some funny stuff! Thanks 4the link! I needed help. #blameitonthewine. Or @Jillzarin. #mzchickiewhore<famous (What top 10 drunken twats wouldn't be complete without one of Cheryl's drunken ramblings?!?)
9. QuincyILIHJZ (Twitter Page): Bobby Zarin wants to upgrade Jill's computer dept. He just bought Skynet. Q (Jill is going to bankrupt that poor man.)
10. bronzebeau (Twitter Page): @kellybensimon Kook, your dried up leather, orange, square tits linebacker body is bothering me. Make it stop. ASAP. #rhony (MEAN TWIT!  TWAT!!  WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!!)

Mz. Chick is making up for the fact that she didn't post this in the second update yesterday.  You're welcome!

Your Drunken Update of the Day

Holy shit, bitches!!!!  The Gorgeous Lynn of the infamous "I Hate Jill Zarin Blog" sent Mz. Chick a direct message on twater last night (oh, yes she did!), letting Mz. Chick know that she'll feature Mz. Chick's retelling of the shit storm from yesterday.  And she did (you can read all about it here)!  Which explains why Mz. Chick's twater exploded with all the new friends and mentions.  Not only that, she is following Mz. Chick!  Move over, the Divine Mz. McCord, because Mz. Chick has a new twater best friend!  Mz. Chick's goal to becoming a Twater Fame Whore has just become within reach!  Thank you The Gorgeous Lynn!

Mz. Chick would like to thank all of her fellow drunken bitches for the kind comments and twater joins.  Just so people know (because Mz. Chick has had multiple emails and messages about this): anyone is welcome to repost any of the shit that comes out her mouth (which her ass is totally jealous of), whether here or on twater.  Mz. Chick only asks that a link back be included.

Mz. Chick also spent a lot of time yesterday cursing and redesigning the look of this blog.  She doesn't know what the fuck is wrong with the Facebook gadget, but has decided it is Facebook's fault, not hers.  Anyway, she hopes you all enjoy the changes.

One other thing before we get into today's update: Mz. Chick will be twating and writing down her and her fellow drunken bitches reactions to tonight's episode of the Real Housebitches.  She will try to post an update tonight about it, so check back later!

Mz. Chick's goal in life is to post this picture as many times as possible.

Mz. Zarin is very quiet today...and you know Mz. Chick is hitting refresh on that bitches Facebook as much as possible.  She even has an open web page on Mz. Zarin's twater (because the bitch blocked Mz. Chick from following her.  The nerve!).  As of now, she hasn't posted anything on her Facebook, and only posted this on her twater:

Hypocrite, much, Mz. Zarin?  After all, didn't you call The Divine Mz. McCord a "fucking bitch" (mean, vulgar) who was attending a wedding "above her status" (mean)?  Not to mention the whole shit storm from yesterday (MEAN!).  Furthermore, of all the House Bitches on that show, you seem to get bleeped the most (you wouldn't be able to follow Mz. Chick if she were on that show because everything that comes out of her mouth would be bleeped).  Like Mz. Chick said yesterday, you are a silly bitch.  Now, post some more fucked-up shit so that way Mz. Chick can get even more Twater famous, damn you!

And if you are wondering why Mz. Zarin's numbers on the Twater are increasing instead of decreasing today, you can buy followers.  Of course, Mz. Chick has no actual proof that Jill "The Bitch" Zarin is doing this, however, in her drunken state, this is the most reasonable conclusion.  Which leads Mz. Chick into another thought: how fucking pathetic to you have to be to buy followers?

I'm a Vanderbilt, bitch, don't talk to me about class!

Last night, the lovely Anderson Cooper took a swipe at several House Bitches on his show (specifically, those who "sing").  However, he saved his most bitchy comments for the Countless.  After trashing her "title" (she is in line for the throne after that scandal with The Burger King, don't ya know) he went after her, um, "singing" abilities.  Best line of the night: "If you're talking about class, and you are not referring to a room with kids in it, you have none."  If you missed it, you can watch it here, courtesy of Gawker.

Do NOT try to start shit with crazy eyes.

Ramona Singer, one of my favorite fellow drunken bitches, proved once again that she is not above stirring up some shit on the twater.  Here is what she re-twitted, twated, WHAT THE FUCK EVER last night:

Rt "@tcm007: @Bethenny follows 11 people @LynnNChicago is one of them @jillzarin did you block her? @ramonasinger @mccordalex @Bravotv"

Of course, Jill "The Bitch" Zarin never responded.  Mz. Zarin will shortly be shouting at Bobby about how Mz. Zinger (ha-ha!  That was a typo, but Mz. Chick decided to leave it like that, because that is some funny shit) is cyber-bullying her

The Divine Mz. McCord

Andy Cohen must have gotten sick of all the twats directed at him concerning when The Divine Mz. McCord would be on Watch What Happens Live.  He twated that she will be on next week.  It's about time, Mz. Andy!  Is it just Mz. Chick, or do others believe that Mz. Andy favors Mz. Zarin?  Or is it he is just afraid of Mz. Zarin's lawyers?

In Other News....

• Usually, Mz. Chick doesn't engage in politics.  Even she is above all that nonsense.  However, be warned bitches, do not waste a good glass of wine by dumping it on Mrs. Glen Beck, or Mr. Glen Beck will sick his brain damaged minions on you. Of course, it was just an accident, darling.  Who would anyone waste such good wine on that fool's wife?
• Harrison Ford called someone a fucking idiot.  God love him.  Have a glass of wine on me, you crazy man-bitch!
• PSA by Mz. Chick: "There is no poop fairy." 
• Mr. Hansen needs to have a seat over there, because he was caught, via hidden video, cheating on his wife.  The man-whore!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

1. LynnNChicago (Twitter Page): Nice work on that Jill Zarin Facebook story! Love it! Suck It @JillZarin Screen shots don't lie! (Yes, bitches, the GORGEOUS Lynn twatted to Mz. Chick!)
2. CnutInAKattan (Twitter Page): I just love how much classier everything sounds in a foreign language -- yahabibi, ma cherie ... all that shit. Cultured as fuck. (Cultured as fuck.  What Mz. Chick aspires to be.)
3. LitSnitch (Twitter Page ): Fine, have it your way. No dismembered bodies on the Booze River Cruz. (Party pooper.)
4. cellabella1 (Twitter Page ): Hahaha #fuckwhore! Only when i forget to take my bipolar med..then i just slap myself on the ass (What is it they say?  When you want a job done right, do it youself!)
5. meekat81 (Twitter Page): TODAYS WEIGHTLOSS TIP: USE SUPERGLUE AS LIPGLOSS!! (Darling, how am I supposed to drink my wine?)
6. mlaw3 (Twitter Page ): Well that was the easiest duty (haha doodie) ever. DrunkMommy proclaims tonight leftover night! (Mz. Chick approves of drunken parenting.  Cheers, darling!)
7. JustMe411 (Twitter Page): A moth just flew in my hair.... i freaked the fuck out...i totally hate moths (It is Jill Zarin's fault.  Everything is that bitches fault.)
8. yelobrckrd (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick it is perfectly acceptable to cry over spilt wine. (Damned right!)
9. maxndprincesmom (Twitter Page): @BaileysLaura lol i'll hit the wine bottle early <wink>  (Early?  Mz. Chick says that there is no such thing as "to early" when it comes to wine.)
10. plainviewsue (Twitter Page): @CountessLuAnn If u think you can sing, u are as delusional as Kelly (Next thing you know, she'll be downing jelly beans while shouting out "satchels of gold!")

Jill "The Bitch" Zarin Gets Caught Being a Bitch and Mz. Chick Has the Proof!

NOTE:  Tomorrow is unfollow Jill Zarin day on Twitter.  Bitches, get to it!!!!


Warning:  Snark fueled by red wine.

What's up, my bitches!  Have I got a post for you today.  First Mz. Chick is snarking on the Countless and Mz. Zolciak.  That is just a little taste, because she has got the dirt on Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and her bitchy ways!  With screen caps of her hot drunken mess of a shit storm!  You just know that Mz. Chick is over the moon about this.  She then goes on to snark a bit on Mz. Giudice.  Of course, Mz. Chick's drunken top ten twats are also included.  Buckle up, bitches and read on!

Tranny Train Wreck, by Bravo.

Darlings, Mz. Chick is absolutely beside herself that the Countless not only stepped out looking like this but posted a picture of herself, and thinks she looks wonderful!  The hair is drag queen fabulous, while the dress--that wonderful purple train wreck--only enhances the masculine shoulders.  The make-up, however, needs help.  Someone call RuPaul, stat!

Before: Could be a drag queen.  After:  Confirmation: there be a drag queen here!

Holy red wine folks, this delusional bitch is actually posing for pictures.  We all know that the Countless is delusional when it comes to her own behavior on the show, but this is taking the cake.  No wonder she is friends with her fellow train wreck: 

Mz. Chick just loves to have new reasons to post this picture!

It only gets better, bitches!  She has released a video of her newest, ear-bleeding, single, featuring Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and Kelly "Jellybeans" Bensimon!  OH MY GAWD!  Somebody call an ambulance because Mz. Chick is dying of laughter over here!  It is only disappointing in the fact that it does not reach MS BS levels of stupidity.

Speaking of bad hair choices, Mz. Chick is pissed at Kim Zolciak because she is in the news today, not for her gold-digging ways, but posing with her beautiful new son.  Mz. Chick has a strict rule of never snarking on reality children (unless they are over 18), especially adorable babies (see, Mz. Chick does have a heart!).  Anyway, here is the gold-digging whore with her jackpot...um, baby:

Mz. Chick wants to squeeze those little cheeks, but would happily slap the mother and yell "WHORE!"

Mz. Chick is also pissed at Mz. Zolciak because she actually twatted something nice to the bitch last night, and the bitch never responded!  The nerve of some people!  Mz. Zolciak should be warned that Mz. Chick lives only an hour away from Atlanta!  Then again, Mz. Zolciak doesn't have much to fear from a drunken bitch who randomly yells "I'm a Twatter..Twit...whatever-the-fuck.. Fame Whore!" at the top of her lungs.

In other Twatter news, some jack ass Jill Zarin "defender" tried to engage in a Twat war (that did not sound right at all) with Mz. Chick.  Unfortunately for Jill, she pays her "assistants" such a low wage that they do not have the intelligence to properly engage Mz. Chick.  Now, with all the wine that Mz. Chick drinks, you just know that she doesn't have that many functioning brain cells, which tells you something about who Jill hires!

Moving to the big news!

These House Bitches are really acting up today!  Jill Zarin, in a desperate attempt to have me snark on her proper (instead of posting that stupid picture) wrote this on her facebook:

Screen cap because Mz. Chick knew the bitch was going to erase that shit from her Facebook!  Keep reading, bitches!

What the fuck is the matter with these stupid bitches?  Are they all still in high school?  Of course, Mz. Chick must confess, she loves this shit.  She posted the following comment: "WOW!  Who is the mean girl who is cyber-bullying people, again?  You stupid bitch."  Which didn't last long AT ALL.  When the comment was erased (it took a whole 30 minutes, pay those people more, Jill!) Mz. Chick wrote: "And...I see the little delete fairy has come to erase my comment. Doesn't matter, you're still a silly bitch! :-)"   Hahahaha...Mz. Chick is such a bitch when she is drunk.  Of course, that last comment didn't last as long, under a minute.  Mz. Chick can just imagine some poor assistant getting slapped upside the head by Bobby while the Queen of Mean Girls screamed at the poor fool.  Then Mz. Chick got sick of tormenting Jill and decided to do better things....

Boo-hoo.  Mz. Chick called me a silly bitch on my own Facebook page!

...like fuck with Cindy Barshop on Twatter!  Oh, yes, she went there bitches! And, she responded back.  You know what that means, she who has been known as Horse Teeth is now christened, The Divine Mz. Barshop.  I'll let that one sink in for a minute.  

Downed your glass of wine?  Good.  Here is the conversation:

• Mz. Chick: "Hi, just wanted to ask, why are you letting Jill fight your battles for you? Shouldn't you be the one to post that letter?" 
• The Divine Mz. Barshop: "@MzElizaChick I never requested anything; if I wanted something posted, I would post it. P.S. Love your avatar!"
• Mz. Chick: "@CindyBarshop Thank you! You might want to talk to Jill, b/c she is claiming that you want her to post it. :)"

Shortly there after, Jill posted this on her Facebook:  "Sorry guys...Carol asked me not to publish the letter since she is afraid of any backlash. I have to respect that and only wish her peace and well being. She deserves that."

Looks like Mz. Zarin got caught with her pants down on this one!  And Mz. Chick got to see it happen in real time (instead of reading about it the next day)!  Here is what Mz. Chick thinks what happened:  The Divine Mz. Barshop called up Carol (Cindy's brother's girlfriend, keep up bitches!) and told her what fucketry Jill "The Bitch" Zarin was engaged in.  Carol then hunted down Jill, kicked her bitch ass all over Manhattan, and told her to take that shit off.  Jill, realizing she is dealing with someone who doesn't put up with her hot mess, complied (because she is just a spineless coward like that).

But, wait, it gets even better....Jill "The Bitch" Zarin even erased the above comment on her Facebook.  Oh yes the bitch did!  She just wanted to erase any memory of this ever happening!  Apparently, Carol can really kick some ass.  But don't worry, my bitches Mz. Chick quickly went to her TwatDick...um, TweetDeck and managed to capture the comment before her Dick...Deck updated.  Here it is:

Even drunk, Mz. Chick is able to think more quickly than Mz. Zarin and hit print screen. 

Aren't you bitches glad that Mz. Chick has no life so she can keep up with all this nonsense?  That way, you bitches (who have a life) can come on here and laugh!  This proves Mz. Chick's devotion to her loving drunken twat family.  You're welcome!

And just when Mz. Chick was done messing around with these House Wife Bitches In Touch Weekly is reporting that Teresa Giudice is going for baby number five.  At first, that fucktard, Perez Hilton reported that the bitch was already knocked up, causing Mz. Chick to drop her wine glass in absolute glee that there would be another table-flipping, bad hair bow wearing, "I'm to pretty to work," rug rat running around.  Unfortunately, the article is about Mz. Giudice's plans to pop out another one.  One word of advice, Tree: you better get on that and quick before Juicy Joe (Mz. Chick just vomited after typing that) gets hauled off to prison.

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Today's twits are so spectacularly funny that Mz. Chick has decided to let them stand on their own (that, and after all the House Bitches fuckerty going on today, she didn't have enough snark left over to do these justice).  Twit on, you drunken bitches!

1. lorilori11735 (Twitter Page): Omfg Luann is releasing more music?! Wasn't that first autotuned trainwreck enough?!! Ear plugs please!!!
2. LitSnitch (Twitter Page): Why do my family emergencies always involve Meth addicts and kids that don't belong to me? LOL #JerrySpringerReject
3. amybrown1221 (Twitter Page): Anywhere they have bomb shelters be a norm in households I am not going. Just saying.
4. CnutInAKaftan (Twitter Page): Money can't buy you class -- but it can facilitate an ill-advised brush with the bleach bottle.
5. kikilet (Twitter Page): Just for fun, tell the jury- If you dont acquit, I'll throw my shit! and fling melted snickers at em.
6. plainviewsue (Twitter Page): Jill only has sex if there is a gift of diamonds at the end!
7. goddess_tamara (Twitter Page): I think your blog is fun & you are funny as well!! (Mz. Chick adores bitches that kiss her ass.  Thank you, darling)
8. LynnschinsLLC (Twitter Page ): I feel like a frat guy trying to figure out a clitoris! I can't even send a damn email.
9. MusicAsis (Twitter Page ): Anybody who DID NOT have a baby by Lil Wayne has PHD intelligence as far as I'm concerned. 
10. tiredofthis_ (Twitter Page ): @ramonasinger You weren't with the absolutely hideous creatures at Luanns paty were you? Luann & Jill are disgusting!

The Divine Mz. McCord, Snark Galore, & Mz. Chick's Favorite Tweets of the Day

DISCLAIMER:  No Housewives were harmed in the writing of this post.

The Divine Mz. McCord.  Mz. Chick's new best friend on Twitter.

Grab your wine bitches, it's time for another post from yours truly!  Firstly, Mz. Chick would like to thank all of her fellow drunken bitches on Twitter for their love of Mz. Chick's blog.  Ya'll rock!

Are you ready for this one?  The divine Mz. McCord twitted to yours truly last night.  Mz. McCord has now become Mz. Chick's favorite housewife ever! That's right, bitches!  Anyone who messes with Mz. Chick's new Twitter best friend will get cut like the bitch she is (you here that Countless and Zarin?  Don't make Mz. Chick go to New York) .

Anyway, here is the scoop:  Mz. McCord tweeted that she had some big news that may or may not be broadcast on the reunion.  Mz. Chick remarked that THAT little announcement was going to launch some rumors.  Mz. McCord tweeted back to Mz. Chick (oh, yes she did!) wondering if Mz. Chick was referring to her modeling and stated that  her news couldn't "compare with the truth."  Mz. Chick tweeted that she thought it was a little more personal than that!  Mz. McCord tweeted back (AGAIN!): "No more vK's joining the party.  Announcements were all about work."

About that point, Mz. Chick peed her pants in excitement about a Real House Bitch twittering with her.  Or it could have been Mz. Chick loses her bodily functions when she is drunk.  Who knows?  So, what do Mz. Chick's fellow drunken bitches think The Divine Mz. McCord's big announcement is?

Other Housewives News:

Nothing says classy like letting your boyfriend feed you a corn dog in public.

• Gretchen Rossi is selling her clothes on Ebay. Supporting a deadbeat fame-whore plays havoc on your bank account.  Even worse, you are forced to sell your whore gear.  Next up for Wretchen?  Horror of horrors, BOXED WINE.
• Granny G and her fame whoring ways attended the premier of Basketball Wives.  Darling, learn how to dress for your age, will you?  Mz. Chick is 35 and wouldn't wear a skirt that short, and she is a drunken whore!
• If you are a psycho bitch who likes to shout out "satchels of gold" at random intervals and call white women "Al Sharpton," then it is your lucky day, you crazy bitch! Kelly Bensimon is now giving out advice.  Jellybeans not included.
• FYI:  If you enjoy making your ears bleed, the Countless has a new single out.  There isn't enough wine in the universe for Mz. Chick to buy that atrocity.  Mz. Chick, contrary to popular opinion, does have standards! She won't even provide a link to that hot mess.  You're welcome!
• The Countless-smacking, bollocks-loving, ever bitchy DC darling, Cat Ommanney, Tweeted this today: "I would like to thank all of you who have shared Salami's 'bump it' with me-It has been remarkably disturbing. Best wishes Xx"  While Mz. Chicks devotion is to the Divine Mz. McCord, Mz. Ommanney is a close second.

This is such a ridiculous picture, Mz. Chick had to post it again.  

In Other News:

• Tits of mass destruction?  A woman got drunk, hit her hubby a couple of times, locked herself in her car and then the cops were called.  She proceeded to whip out her breast and spray the cops with breast milk.  Mz. Chick salutes her fellow drunken bitch.  Cheers, darling!
• Carol Brady got crabs from the former mayor of New York.  Darling, that is a bit too much information even for Mz. Chick.
• What a long, drawn out divorce!  It appears that the Mel and Robin Gibson have finally reached an agreement to divorce, and it will be final sometime this summer.  Mz. Chick is pissed at Mr. Gibson for giving us drunken fools a bad name.  Shame on you, Mr. Gibson, shame!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

1. mlaw3 (Twitter Page ): Apparently hubs no longer belives me when I say I cant have sex 2 days in a row bc my vag needs the recovery time #hesgotmynumber (Mz. Chick's advice: record the last episode of the New Jersey Bitches on your DVR and play it whenever husband wants sexy time.  Problem solved.)
2. MusicAsis (Twitter Page ): so I'm supposed to believe your virginity was stolen for a wine cooler at a house party. Sit YO ass down!! (Isn't that the way all girls loose their virginity?)
3. tyomomma (Twitter Page): @KimGranatell everytime I see her in a dress that is too short I have stripper pole flashbacks on RHONJ ..mAKES ME WANT TO BARF (Mz. Chick is still pissed at this bitch for that stripper pole "dance."  She knocked over her wine fleeing the room in terror upon seeing that!)
4. MegTheSequel (Twitter Page): What does that mean? LOL Seriously.. I'm not processing more than 3 word sentences. (Don't feel bad, Mz. Chick can't process more than that either.)
5. BravoBitchy1 (Twitter Page): well, if mine doesn't back off he will b dick~less! (Note to men: don't mess with a woman when she has PMS.)
6. kikilet (Twitter Page ): Are you experiencing Transvaginal Mesh Failure? (Mz. Chick is way to drunk to decipher this, however, she laughed herself silly when she read it.)
7. cellabella1 (Twitter Page ): I wish I could smell my elbow. (Mz. Chick is always amused by Cheryl's tweets.  This is, after all, the woman who invented the term "fuckwhores" and uses it to express her amusement.  Cheers, darling!)
8. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): a blend of narcissistic personality disorder and a bit of a sociopath (Add a liberal dose of red wine and you have just described Mz. Chick perfectly!)
9. LuvToLoveU (Twitter Page): tell me about this Brazilian blow job thingy.  (It involves three midgets and a bottle of red wine.)
10. Mpinkly (Twitter Page): Now I'm confused again. (That is usually Mz. Chick's normal state of mind.)

MS BS Sings, Mz. Zarin Strikes Again and Mz. Chick's Favorite Tweets of the Day

What.  The.  Hell.

Mz. Chick has been laughing her silly drunken ass off thanks to MS BS (a phrase she stole from the wonderful Cat Ommanney) entertaining all of us with her equally drunken debut of "Bump It!' in Miami back on the 24th.  Grab your wine bitches and enjoy this deliciously bad video courtesy of Pop Eater.

Yes.  She actually stepped out looking like this.

Mz. Zarin will be featured on this blog quite a lot, mainly because the bitch blocked Mz. Chick from her twitter.  Furthermore, Mz. Zarin fails to realize that Mz. Chick was only following her in order to perfect her mean girl routine, after all, who better to learn from than the Queen of Mean Girls herself?

Anyway, if you would recall from last year, rumors went around that our dear Alex McCord would be leaving the Real Housewives of New York.  Anyone with a half of brain in their head realized that Mz. Zarin herself started these rumors---hell, Mz. Chick was drunk for most of last year (and all of this year) and she even figured it out!  Seems those rumors have started again (Oh, Jill, will you never learn?), and Mz. McCord delivers the smack down here.  Also, Cindy Bishop (so that is the bitch's name!  Mz. Chick could never figure out who that bitch was wandering around in the background) is also "rumored" to be leaving.  Mz. Chick is glad for that because she is so mesmerized by those big horse teeth she forgets to drink her wine.  And a sober Mz. Chick is not pretty.

Now, shall we dish about last night's episode of the New Jersey Bitches?  Dead animals, Melissa being a bitch, drunk people shooting guns, Joe grabbing Tree's ass and doing splits, and one cock ring (yes, darlings, that really is what that was).  That about covers that.  Bravo, listen up, if Mz. Chick is ever subjected to another cock ring (on TV or otherwise) she will find Andy Cohen and drunkenly beat the ever-living shit out of him.

And finally, the Parenting website brings us the Most Notorious Parenting Moments of the Real House Bitches.  Mz. Chick is grateful that these bitches are reproducing, thus ensuring her that the next generation will provide her plenty of amusement into her golden years.

Other gossipy things Mz. Chick is snarking about today:

• Jennifer Aniston is telling us how she likes to do the dirty deed. Not really.  She is just promoting her upcoming box office bomb.  Mz. Chick is eagerly looking forward to Mz. Aniston's future (and inevitable)  release of her sex tape in a desperate attempt to remain in the spotlight.
• It seems that the delicious Chris Meloni is really leaving Law and Order: SVU.  Mz. Chick has no desire to watch the show ever again. However, she is hoping that Mr. Meloni will release a sex tape.  Because she is a drunken whore like that.
• Hugh Hefner is a whore.  (You know that is true!)  The creepy old man has hooked up with another twenty-something bimbo out to get his money.  Ewww.  Pardon Mz. Chick while she vomits.

And now, Mz. Chick presents...her favorite top ten drunken Tweet posts of the day!  If you would like to be featured as a drunken Twitter...Twatter...whatever the hell, simply follow Mz. Chick.

1. Whiteheart18 (Twitter Page): we do not need to see Juicy Joe and Teresa's sex escapades on Bravo...Animal Planet would have been more appropriate. (Animal sex escapades, by Bravo).
2. tiredofthis (Twitter Page): just favorited your tweet: Mz. Chick has a blog. God help the internet. (Only because Mz. Chick loves it when people favorite her drunken ramblings).
3. Cellabella1 (Twitter Page): Petite Manicurist bought the SPARKLY tennis shoes i want. She said:I was going 2 get u a pair but they didn't have BIG sizes! I punched her. (Mz. Chick always approves of a drunken cat fight).
4. lorilori11735 (Twitter Page): Angry bitchy lady yelling at deli counter staff. She looks like big Bertha http://twitpic.com/5hu7xa (Mz. Chick always approves of posting pics of strangers on the internet so we can laugh at them.  Especially those of angry bitches).
5. lori024 (Twitter Page): My humor may be fading, but if we can keep her off the pole, Chris Rock will be proud. (Mz. Chick has no idea what this is about, but after downing multiple glasses of wine, deemed it funny).
6. MegTheSequel (Twitter Page): Trying to cover your ass now, aren't ya? It won't work. You should've just killed me and called me Granny. (Mz. Chick approves of twitter wars.  Go get 'em, sweetie).
7. LynnschinsLLC (Twitter Page ): use a straw like I do. It helps separate the alcohol from the wine so you don't get as drunk. Lmao (My God, woman, why would you ever dispense advice like that?  Furthermore, why would you ever do it?)
8. Red_Corazon (Twitter Page): I read the comments. Some feel real but others are sooo @jillzarin self-serving. I think she plants those comments. She's vile. (Mz. Chick fully and wholeheartedly approves of any twit which features snarking on Jill Zarin.)
9. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page ):what about Viagra and a porn star? (All that is missing is a bottle of red wine and it is a typical night at Mz. Chick's house.)
10. bronzebeau (Twitter Page): LOL! Imagine the conversation? "Look at my pop ring." "That's not a pop ring, it's a cock ring." Oy vey. (And...Mz. Chick is off to find Andy Cohen to kick the ever-living shit out of him.)