Mz. Chick Got Drunk Again, Forgot About the Blog

Holy shit, bitches!  Mz. Chick went on a major bender and totally forgot to update her blog.  So much for being Twatter famous!

Anyway, Mz. Chick did watch the reunion last night with The Real House Bitches of New York and has a massive headache trying to figure what all those drunken bitches were yelling about!  However, she did manage to decipher some of the drunken yelling, so here are some of her favorite things that happened.

Mz. Chick lost her shit when Jill "The Bitch" Zarin "defended" The Countless and her..ahem.."mothering skills" by telling Mz. Singer that if she doesn't shut up talking about that shit, she would have to deal with her.   Hahahahahahaha!  Oh, fuck!  Seriously?  This bitch usually sends her whipped hubby after the other women because she can't fight her own battles, but she is going to fight for The Countless!

Better watch out Mz. Singer, or you'll have to deal with THIS!!

The best line of the night, hands down there are NO ARGUMENTS ABOUT THIS BECAUSE MZ. CHICK SAYS SO, was when the Divine Mz. McCord told Cindy that she needed to get laid.  HOLY SHIT, bitches!  Mz. Chick completely lost it!  Red wine went flying everywhere, cats went running under the couch and Mz. Chick practically died laughing right there on her living room floor over that one.  KA-POW, BITCH!  Hahahahahahahaha!

As a side note, Mz. Singer?  You know Mz. Chick loves you (especially because she knows you sometimes read this blog) and she is about to give you a little piece of advice.  Now, this only comes out of a place of love, so here it goes.  The audience really didn't need to know that Aunt Flow was in town last night.  No, just no, darling.

Okay, bitches, Mz. Chick is going to work on updating this blog with everything she missed and work really hard on becoming Twatter famous once again.  Mz. Chick thanks her devoted readers for not bailing on her while she got her shit together.  Cheers, darlings!

The Real House Bitches of NYC: Mz. Chick Tells It Like It Is

All right, bitches!  Mz. Chick is writing this, twating this and watching this all at the same time.  So...umm....you have been warned.  She takes no responsibility if you don't understand this, because she doesn't either.

Cast of Characters:

Jelly Beans: Kelly

The Bitch: Jill

The Countless: Duh

The Divine: Mz. McCord

The Beautiful: Mz. Morgan

Ramona: Fellow Drunken Bitch

The Divine Horse Teeth: Cindy

Jelly Beans, Fellow Drunken Bitch and the Divine are all talking about Fellow Drunken Bitch's birthday party. These bitches are being too nice!  They are turning it into a surprise birthday party for The Beautiful as well.  Nice, but boring!  Lets see some cat-fights bitches!

Reality Buzz twated: @ramonasinger I love the free venue! #RHONY  Hahahahaha!

The Divine Horse Teeth is...um...gulps red wine....selling something.  The Bitch is in attendance (CHUG!!)  Mz. McCord and Simon show up, oh shit, it is about to get good, bitches!!!  Jelly Beans shows up and The Bitch is telling her to get waxed, Jelly Beans tells us she got something out of her mole.  WTF?!?

Whiteheart18 twated: Cindy is having a pussy party #meow #Rhony 

The Divine Horseteeth Twatted: Watching # RHONy the @completelybare part was awesome Simon let me wax him :) Way to much information.  Mz. Chick downs another glass of wine.

MOVING ON...Simon is asking The Bitch to meet somewhere so that way he can talk her into stopping  all the shit talk.  She agrees. Jelly Beans and The Bitch are talking behind Simon's back.  The Bitch and Jelly Beans decide that it is "weird" that Simon wants to talk, and they can't figure out what Simon has issues with.  (Gee, Silly Bitch, do you think it has something to do with you saying he contributes to THE GLORIOUS LYNN's blog, when he doesn't?)

SassNSauce twated: that's a fucking lie. right after season 1 shill started bashing simon in the press

katiebr58 twated: Ur seriously taking advice from koo koo @kellybensimon #RHONY 

Jelly Beans has no idea what is going on in Simon's head.  No one knows what is going on in hers, either.  You crazy bitch!

The Bitch is backing out with lunch on Simon.  Probably because The Bitch knows she is in the wrong and she doesn't want to be called out.  The Countless shows up and starts to talk shit.  Holy shit, bitches!  Apparently, according to the Countless, The Divine needs to put a leash on Simon.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?  THESE BITCHES ARE NUTS.  That seems to be the refrain of the mean girls: The Divine needs to be put Simon on a leash.  And he needs to stop "mean tweeting."  The new buzzword is "mean tweeting."  Damn it!  Mz. Chick needs even more wine.

lori024 twatted: Did Luannn REALLY just say to put a leash on a husband & control what he's doing? Kelly agrees? Wonder y they're divorced... MEAN TWIT!!! MEAN TWAT!!!  MEAN WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!!!!!

Simon vanKempen twated: My twitter feed is public unlike some I dont delete tweets or Facebook posts Where r my cyber bullying tweets  Oh, snap!  Mz. Chick approves of a (metaphorical) bitch slap!

LuAnn tells everyone about....Mz. Chick doesn't give a fuck, she is a bitch and her voice makes Mz. Chick's ears bleed.  Mz. Chick runs to the bathroom because she drank way too much wine.

Various twaters twat: SHUT UP LUANN!

CnutInAKattan twated: "Desperately trying to have relevance with us"?!? WTF? #RHoNY #countesscrackerjacks  WTF?!?  She actually said that?!  Mz. Chick is pissed that she will have to sit through one of the Countless's speeches to see this.

Hahahaha!  The Divine leaves arm in arm with her husband laughing at the idiots while Jelly Beans, The Bitch and The Countless are still meowing.

The Beautiful is fixing her broken toilet. Somehow, this has to do with her not having a husband.  She calls the plumber, but she winds up pulling a Blackberry out of it.  Her Fuck Shhh-way expert comes in and she cries to her over her broken marriage.  Mz. Chick feels bad for The Beautiful.  But this is boring the shit out of her.

UGH.  The Bitch and Jelly Beans are talking about cyber-bullying.  Oh for fucks sake, Mz. Chick is about to jump through her television screen and beat the ever-living-shit out of both of these bitches.  The Bitch and Countless decide that Simon is using them so he can build his business.  WTF?!?!

STFU Jelly Beans.

The Divine and Simon are talking.  Simon is making sure The Divine is not mad at him.  They are talking about The Bitch, The Divine couldn't stand her at first (duh, we knew that, but it was nice for her to admit it!).  The Divine stands by her man! Ahahahaha....The Divine mentioned something about smoking something.  Perhaps Mz. Chick needs to put down what she is smoking and start paying attention.

PARTY TIME!  Fellow Drunken Bitch is setting up people for The Beautiful's surprise.  The Bitch is eating, making sure everything is up to her standards.  Sorry, Bitch, no lamb chops!  The Beautiful doesn't know WTF is going on, Ramona fills her in....everything is very sweet.  BORING!!

Fellow Drunken Bitch is still pissed at The Bitch.  That is why Mz. Chick loves her Fellow Drunken Bitch, she won't let the bitch get away with anything.  She goes up to The Bitch and lets her know.  The Bitch is kissing her ass because her PR people told her to take a break from being such a bitch, plus Bobby slipped her a little something-something to calm her the fuck down.  No hair pulling.  DAMN IT!

More nicey stuff between The Beautiful and Fellow Drunk Bitch.  Sweet, but boring.

Various twatters send sweet and supportive messages to Fellow Drunk Bitch and The Beautiful.

The Divine Horse Teeth talks about how she doesn't miss having a man.  The more you say you don't miss something, the more you do <----Mz. Chick is getting philosophical up in here, bitches!

The Divine Horse Teeth is now with her parents and way to cute babies.  Mz. Chick's rule is in effect: no snarking when adorable babies are present!  Except...um....WTF?  Why can't she take care of her own kids?!?  Selfish bitches shouldn't have kids.

Moving on.

The Divine is meeting with Jelly Beans.  Jelly Beans is late again.  Fuck's sake-mean tweeting-creepy....Simon has a temper, hurting feelings.  Wait, Mz. Chick thought feelings were what happened 1970s?  The Divine tells Jelly Beans to go and talk with him, she ain't putting up with her shit.  Jelly Beans insists she doesn't want to talk about this shit, keeps talking about shit.  Jelly Beans tells The Divine that she is always sticking up for her (WTF?), and she will "ice herself out" if she doesn't tell Simon to go and jump.

Mz. Chick doesn't know what the fuck is going on, polishes off yet another bottle.  All the red wine that would quench the thirst of all of Europe couldn't make Jelly Beans make any sense. Mz. Chick is one confused drunken bitch!

SassNSauce twatted: iced out of what? the "narcissistic evil bitch snake whore club"? #rhony lets build a cabinet for them.

Mz. Chick twatted: @kellybensimon I salute you for being the stupidest bitch ever on reality tv! That is quite the complement! #MeanTweet #rhony  Hahahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is such a bitch when drunk, as she demonstrates once again!

And that is what happened, bitches!

Jill "The Bitch" Zarin Gets Caught Being a Bitch and Mz. Chick Has the Proof!

NOTE:  Tomorrow is unfollow Jill Zarin day on Twitter.  Bitches, get to it!!!!


Warning:  Snark fueled by red wine.

What's up, my bitches!  Have I got a post for you today.  First Mz. Chick is snarking on the Countless and Mz. Zolciak.  That is just a little taste, because she has got the dirt on Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and her bitchy ways!  With screen caps of her hot drunken mess of a shit storm!  You just know that Mz. Chick is over the moon about this.  She then goes on to snark a bit on Mz. Giudice.  Of course, Mz. Chick's drunken top ten twats are also included.  Buckle up, bitches and read on!

Tranny Train Wreck, by Bravo.

Darlings, Mz. Chick is absolutely beside herself that the Countless not only stepped out looking like this but posted a picture of herself, and thinks she looks wonderful!  The hair is drag queen fabulous, while the dress--that wonderful purple train wreck--only enhances the masculine shoulders.  The make-up, however, needs help.  Someone call RuPaul, stat!

Before: Could be a drag queen.  After:  Confirmation: there be a drag queen here!

Holy red wine folks, this delusional bitch is actually posing for pictures.  We all know that the Countless is delusional when it comes to her own behavior on the show, but this is taking the cake.  No wonder she is friends with her fellow train wreck: 

Mz. Chick just loves to have new reasons to post this picture!

It only gets better, bitches!  She has released a video of her newest, ear-bleeding, single, featuring Jill "The Bitch" Zarin and Kelly "Jellybeans" Bensimon!  OH MY GAWD!  Somebody call an ambulance because Mz. Chick is dying of laughter over here!  It is only disappointing in the fact that it does not reach MS BS levels of stupidity.

Speaking of bad hair choices, Mz. Chick is pissed at Kim Zolciak because she is in the news today, not for her gold-digging ways, but posing with her beautiful new son.  Mz. Chick has a strict rule of never snarking on reality children (unless they are over 18), especially adorable babies (see, Mz. Chick does have a heart!).  Anyway, here is the gold-digging whore with her jackpot...um, baby:

Mz. Chick wants to squeeze those little cheeks, but would happily slap the mother and yell "WHORE!"

Mz. Chick is also pissed at Mz. Zolciak because she actually twatted something nice to the bitch last night, and the bitch never responded!  The nerve of some people!  Mz. Zolciak should be warned that Mz. Chick lives only an hour away from Atlanta!  Then again, Mz. Zolciak doesn't have much to fear from a drunken bitch who randomly yells "I'm a Twatter..Twit...whatever-the-fuck.. Fame Whore!" at the top of her lungs.

In other Twatter news, some jack ass Jill Zarin "defender" tried to engage in a Twat war (that did not sound right at all) with Mz. Chick.  Unfortunately for Jill, she pays her "assistants" such a low wage that they do not have the intelligence to properly engage Mz. Chick.  Now, with all the wine that Mz. Chick drinks, you just know that she doesn't have that many functioning brain cells, which tells you something about who Jill hires!

Moving to the big news!

These House Bitches are really acting up today!  Jill Zarin, in a desperate attempt to have me snark on her proper (instead of posting that stupid picture) wrote this on her facebook:

Screen cap because Mz. Chick knew the bitch was going to erase that shit from her Facebook!  Keep reading, bitches!

What the fuck is the matter with these stupid bitches?  Are they all still in high school?  Of course, Mz. Chick must confess, she loves this shit.  She posted the following comment: "WOW!  Who is the mean girl who is cyber-bullying people, again?  You stupid bitch."  Which didn't last long AT ALL.  When the comment was erased (it took a whole 30 minutes, pay those people more, Jill!) Mz. Chick wrote: "And...I see the little delete fairy has come to erase my comment. Doesn't matter, you're still a silly bitch! :-)"   Hahahaha...Mz. Chick is such a bitch when she is drunk.  Of course, that last comment didn't last as long, under a minute.  Mz. Chick can just imagine some poor assistant getting slapped upside the head by Bobby while the Queen of Mean Girls screamed at the poor fool.  Then Mz. Chick got sick of tormenting Jill and decided to do better things....

Boo-hoo.  Mz. Chick called me a silly bitch on my own Facebook page!

...like fuck with Cindy Barshop on Twatter!  Oh, yes, she went there bitches! And, she responded back.  You know what that means, she who has been known as Horse Teeth is now christened, The Divine Mz. Barshop.  I'll let that one sink in for a minute.  

Downed your glass of wine?  Good.  Here is the conversation:

• Mz. Chick: "Hi, just wanted to ask, why are you letting Jill fight your battles for you? Shouldn't you be the one to post that letter?" 
• The Divine Mz. Barshop: "@MzElizaChick I never requested anything; if I wanted something posted, I would post it. P.S. Love your avatar!"
• Mz. Chick: "@CindyBarshop Thank you! You might want to talk to Jill, b/c she is claiming that you want her to post it. :)"

Shortly there after, Jill posted this on her Facebook:  "Sorry guys...Carol asked me not to publish the letter since she is afraid of any backlash. I have to respect that and only wish her peace and well being. She deserves that."

Looks like Mz. Zarin got caught with her pants down on this one!  And Mz. Chick got to see it happen in real time (instead of reading about it the next day)!  Here is what Mz. Chick thinks what happened:  The Divine Mz. Barshop called up Carol (Cindy's brother's girlfriend, keep up bitches!) and told her what fucketry Jill "The Bitch" Zarin was engaged in.  Carol then hunted down Jill, kicked her bitch ass all over Manhattan, and told her to take that shit off.  Jill, realizing she is dealing with someone who doesn't put up with her hot mess, complied (because she is just a spineless coward like that).

But, wait, it gets even better....Jill "The Bitch" Zarin even erased the above comment on her Facebook.  Oh yes the bitch did!  She just wanted to erase any memory of this ever happening!  Apparently, Carol can really kick some ass.  But don't worry, my bitches Mz. Chick quickly went to her TwatDick...um, TweetDeck and managed to capture the comment before her Dick...Deck updated.  Here it is:

Even drunk, Mz. Chick is able to think more quickly than Mz. Zarin and hit print screen. 

Aren't you bitches glad that Mz. Chick has no life so she can keep up with all this nonsense?  That way, you bitches (who have a life) can come on here and laugh!  This proves Mz. Chick's devotion to her loving drunken twat family.  You're welcome!

And just when Mz. Chick was done messing around with these House Wife Bitches In Touch Weekly is reporting that Teresa Giudice is going for baby number five.  At first, that fucktard, Perez Hilton reported that the bitch was already knocked up, causing Mz. Chick to drop her wine glass in absolute glee that there would be another table-flipping, bad hair bow wearing, "I'm to pretty to work," rug rat running around.  Unfortunately, the article is about Mz. Giudice's plans to pop out another one.  One word of advice, Tree: you better get on that and quick before Juicy Joe (Mz. Chick just vomited after typing that) gets hauled off to prison.

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Today's twits are so spectacularly funny that Mz. Chick has decided to let them stand on their own (that, and after all the House Bitches fuckerty going on today, she didn't have enough snark left over to do these justice).  Twit on, you drunken bitches!

1. lorilori11735 (Twitter Page): Omfg Luann is releasing more music?! Wasn't that first autotuned trainwreck enough?!! Ear plugs please!!!
2. LitSnitch (Twitter Page): Why do my family emergencies always involve Meth addicts and kids that don't belong to me? LOL #JerrySpringerReject
3. amybrown1221 (Twitter Page): Anywhere they have bomb shelters be a norm in households I am not going. Just saying.
4. CnutInAKaftan (Twitter Page): Money can't buy you class -- but it can facilitate an ill-advised brush with the bleach bottle.
5. kikilet (Twitter Page): Just for fun, tell the jury- If you dont acquit, I'll throw my shit! and fling melted snickers at em.
6. plainviewsue (Twitter Page): Jill only has sex if there is a gift of diamonds at the end!
7. goddess_tamara (Twitter Page): I think your blog is fun & you are funny as well!! (Mz. Chick adores bitches that kiss her ass.  Thank you, darling)
8. LynnschinsLLC (Twitter Page ): I feel like a frat guy trying to figure out a clitoris! I can't even send a damn email.
9. MusicAsis (Twitter Page ): Anybody who DID NOT have a baby by Lil Wayne has PHD intelligence as far as I'm concerned. 
10. tiredofthis_ (Twitter Page ): @ramonasinger You weren't with the absolutely hideous creatures at Luanns paty were you? Luann & Jill are disgusting!