Gretchen and Slade Just Got OWNED

Note:  In honor of Jelly Beans twatter comment today, Mz. Chick is replacing any curse words with "duck" for your amusement.  You're welcome!

Instead of feeding Corn Dogs to people, maybe Slimey should get a job.  Just sayin.

On June 14, Mz. Rossi wrote this in her Bravo blog:

I challenge any news outlet, Tamra, or anyone that has balls enough to get the correct information about this support issue out there to ask for proof and documentation regarding payments and contributions to Grayson and his mother.  Slade will have no problem disclosing those documents. 

Trust the National Enquirer to take on that challenge!  That's right ducks, Mz. Chick's favorite rag did go and ask.  Slimey produced two $500 money orders, but refused to comment on the $160,000 he still owes for child support of his sick son.  Furthermore, he claims that a "production company" made a $20,000 donation in his name to his son.  How ducking pathetic is that?  Michelle Arroyo, the mother of the child, would also like to see the documentation that Mz. Rossi is writing about!   

What ducks Mz. Chick off even more is that Bravo is covering up for this dead-beat fame duck for the ratings!  Mz. Chick is seriously considering never watching the steaming pile of duck that is the Real House Ducks of Orange County if that duckhole is on next season!

DUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Drunken Fourth of July Update of the Day

Hello again, bitches!  Grab your wine because here is your update of the day!  Let's just get to it:

The pic that got Mz. Chick banned from Mz. Rossi's twater!

The big news is that Mz. Chick is becoming even more Twater famous, bitches!  Gretchen "The Slut" Rossi has blocked Mz. Chick from her twater!  Mz. Chick hasn't even gotten around to fucking with the bitch on the Twater, she just posted one little snarky post about corn dogs and supporting a dead-beat fame-whore and BAM!  The bitch banned Mz. Chick!  Hahahahahaha!  Mz. Chick is quite proud of this accomplishment.

Mz. Gorga in a dress any drunken whore would be proud of!

In The Real House Bitches of New Jersey news, the National Enquirer is claiming that Melissa Gorga swings both ways!  That's right bitches, Mz. Gorga has swam in the lady pond!  Mz. Chick can here her fellow drunken bitches screech, "But, Mz. Chick, darling, this is the National Enquirer reporting this!  You can't possibly believe in that rag!"  Oh, yes I do, bitches!  When it comes to sex scandals, the National Enquirer is all over that shit and gets it right (see Bill Clinton, John Edwards, The Arnold, etc.).  Hahahahaha!  I wonder if this is the reason why Tree and the rest of her family don't particularly like Mz. Gorga?  That and she is a manipulative bitch!

Right back at ya, Mz. Staub!

Mz. Chick is giggling in drunken glee that Mz. Danielle Staub is going to be back on television.  This time, she is on a VH1 show called "Famous Food" and it will debut this Sunday at ten eastern. Yes, bitches, at the same time as The Real House Bitches of New Jersey!  Hahahaha!  Does VH1 really think people will turn into this train wreck instead of watching The House Bitches?  Mz. Chick is thankful for her wonderful DVR.  If it is the train wreck that she is hoping for, you can rest assure that Mz. Chick will keep you updated about this!  If you would like to see a trailer of this drunken mess, The Housewives Hoedown has kindly posted the drunken mess on their blog.

Mz. Zarin, the lousy tipper who slams cab doors in people's faces (allegedly)!

Holy shit, bitches!  Check out comments on Mz. Chick's last drunken update to get the dirt on some rumors floating around NYC about Mz. Zarin's scandalous behavior!  To cover Mz. Chick's ass (and believe her, this is a big cover) Mz. Chick does not take any responsibility for comments left on her blog.  She is offering a forum for others to vent.  That being said, if these rumors are true (more ass covering by Mz. Chick), Mz. Zarin can't blame editing on this!  Thanks to my fellow drunken bitches who left these comments, you are always welcome to vent to Mz. Chick!

Can anyone tell Mz. Chick why this bitch is ringing the NASDAQ opening bell tomorrow?  Mz. Chick just doesn't get why a bunch of Wall Street types want to be associated with Fame Whores.  Then again, those Wall Street types are a bunch of money whores and Bobby must have paid someone a pretty penny for that "privilege!"

Just a quick note to remind certain bitches who post---Mz. Chick doesn't have many rules for comments, only the following: no spam, no racist remarks and no homophobic remarks.  Mz. Chick will delete them because she doesn't want that shit on her blog (even Mz. Chick has some standards, bitches!).

Don't forget to send Mz. Chick all of your questions on etiquette (or how to become a drunken whore!) and send her some fan mail (or hate mail, she doesn't care!) (read this post for more information)!  Also, be sure to check out The Real House Bitches of Orange County's biography page.

In Other House Bitch News:

• The Glorious Lynn has a great post up on her blog (when does she not?).  This one is full of comments made on Mz. Zarin's Bravo blog before the delete fairy decided to make a visit.
• Click here to read a statement from Marlo Hampton's (the newest Atlanta House Bitch) statement on her criminal past.
• Melissa Gorga is once again upping Teresea, this time by having her little girl star in a commercial for the kids network, Nickelodeon.  Watch out G-to-the-IA!

In Other News:

• If you have a life (unlike Mz. Chick) Jezebel has the top ten moments on reality TV this week that you might have missed.  Highlights:  Paris Hilton's camel toe, black balls and Juicy Joe's (vomit) cock ring (Mz. Chick is now going to hunt down Mz. Andy and beat the ever-living drunken shit out of him).
• Just days after getting out of rehab, Weston Cage (son of Nicholas) and his wife, Nikki Williams, were both arrested for domestic violence.  While Mz. Chick approves of drunken behavior, she does not approve of violence, bitches (unless she is beating the ever-living shit out of Mz. Andy for that particular scene)!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

Mz. Chick's Twater Page

1. meekat81 (Twitter Page): I JUST WANTED TO LET U KNOW............. I FARTED AND IT TICKLED MY BUTT :D (Thank you for keeping us all updated on your ass.)
2. CnutInAKattan (Twitter Page ): Monaco is swimming in cash. Surely Princess Stephanie can afford Botox. Money can't buy you class, but it could get a good dermatologist. (The nerve of some people!  How dare she gracefully age!  Mz. Chick disapproves highly!)
3. goddess_tamara (Twitter Page): @SoTinaO @MarieDomina I'm telling you, that's how Sonja Morgan got the lazy eye! One too many cum shots in the face! #TrueStory  (Mz. Chick loves The Beautiful Mz. Morgan, but this was some funny shit!)
4. SassNSauce (Twitter Page): @ellegoblue stinking drunk crotch grabbing may be more accepted in her crowd over there. (It is certainly accepted in Mz. Chick's!)
5. _reallymelissa (Twitter Page): @bravoandy 's bollocks are in @JillZarin 's Birkin bag (Darling, where else would she keep them?)
6. MamaXanax (Twitter Page): Thanks for the support, gals. I'm a natural-born swallower (There is such a thing as to much information, darling.)
7. TruthSucceeds (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick Listening to Mr. BOZO Bullshit Baez, with kkb's retarded tweet... SNAP! Here's creative for you @kellybensimon: STOOPID COW! (Here is hoping that Mr. Bozo Bullshit Baez, Mz. Bensimon, and TruthSucceeds are all in the same room together.  It should be epic!)
8. shadester126 (Twitter Page): @MzElizaChick fck yeah! I am going to work hard at making your tweet list! Ballz to the wall!! (Congratulations, darling!)
9. Gindaloony (Twitter Page ): Stop trying to deep throat me with your Twittelator! (OH MY!  Mz. Chick is shocked at the pornography on Twater!)
10. thekat0711 (Twitter Page): My &$@ing neighbor is playing just the chorus of Poker Face on repeat.  (While Mz. Chick does not approve of violence, this is one of those times when it is called for.  Punch them.  No jury will find you guilty.)

The Divine Mz. McCord, Snark Galore, & Mz. Chick's Favorite Tweets of the Day

DISCLAIMER:  No Housewives were harmed in the writing of this post.

The Divine Mz. McCord.  Mz. Chick's new best friend on Twitter.

Grab your wine bitches, it's time for another post from yours truly!  Firstly, Mz. Chick would like to thank all of her fellow drunken bitches on Twitter for their love of Mz. Chick's blog.  Ya'll rock!

Are you ready for this one?  The divine Mz. McCord twitted to yours truly last night.  Mz. McCord has now become Mz. Chick's favorite housewife ever! That's right, bitches!  Anyone who messes with Mz. Chick's new Twitter best friend will get cut like the bitch she is (you here that Countless and Zarin?  Don't make Mz. Chick go to New York) .

Anyway, here is the scoop:  Mz. McCord tweeted that she had some big news that may or may not be broadcast on the reunion.  Mz. Chick remarked that THAT little announcement was going to launch some rumors.  Mz. McCord tweeted back to Mz. Chick (oh, yes she did!) wondering if Mz. Chick was referring to her modeling and stated that  her news couldn't "compare with the truth."  Mz. Chick tweeted that she thought it was a little more personal than that!  Mz. McCord tweeted back (AGAIN!): "No more vK's joining the party.  Announcements were all about work."

About that point, Mz. Chick peed her pants in excitement about a Real House Bitch twittering with her.  Or it could have been Mz. Chick loses her bodily functions when she is drunk.  Who knows?  So, what do Mz. Chick's fellow drunken bitches think The Divine Mz. McCord's big announcement is?

Other Housewives News:

Nothing says classy like letting your boyfriend feed you a corn dog in public.

• Gretchen Rossi is selling her clothes on Ebay. Supporting a deadbeat fame-whore plays havoc on your bank account.  Even worse, you are forced to sell your whore gear.  Next up for Wretchen?  Horror of horrors, BOXED WINE.
• Granny G and her fame whoring ways attended the premier of Basketball Wives.  Darling, learn how to dress for your age, will you?  Mz. Chick is 35 and wouldn't wear a skirt that short, and she is a drunken whore!
• If you are a psycho bitch who likes to shout out "satchels of gold" at random intervals and call white women "Al Sharpton," then it is your lucky day, you crazy bitch! Kelly Bensimon is now giving out advice.  Jellybeans not included.
• FYI:  If you enjoy making your ears bleed, the Countless has a new single out.  There isn't enough wine in the universe for Mz. Chick to buy that atrocity.  Mz. Chick, contrary to popular opinion, does have standards! She won't even provide a link to that hot mess.  You're welcome!
• The Countless-smacking, bollocks-loving, ever bitchy DC darling, Cat Ommanney, Tweeted this today: "I would like to thank all of you who have shared Salami's 'bump it' with me-It has been remarkably disturbing. Best wishes Xx"  While Mz. Chicks devotion is to the Divine Mz. McCord, Mz. Ommanney is a close second.

This is such a ridiculous picture, Mz. Chick had to post it again.  

In Other News:

• Tits of mass destruction?  A woman got drunk, hit her hubby a couple of times, locked herself in her car and then the cops were called.  She proceeded to whip out her breast and spray the cops with breast milk.  Mz. Chick salutes her fellow drunken bitch.  Cheers, darling!
• Carol Brady got crabs from the former mayor of New York.  Darling, that is a bit too much information even for Mz. Chick.
• What a long, drawn out divorce!  It appears that the Mel and Robin Gibson have finally reached an agreement to divorce, and it will be final sometime this summer.  Mz. Chick is pissed at Mr. Gibson for giving us drunken fools a bad name.  Shame on you, Mr. Gibson, shame!

Top Ten Drunken Twits..Twats, Whatever Of The Day

If you would like to submit your twit, twat, whatever for Mz. Chick's consideration, you can join her on twitter.  If it is truly hilarious, DM her as well so she doesn't miss it.

1. mlaw3 (Twitter Page ): Apparently hubs no longer belives me when I say I cant have sex 2 days in a row bc my vag needs the recovery time #hesgotmynumber (Mz. Chick's advice: record the last episode of the New Jersey Bitches on your DVR and play it whenever husband wants sexy time.  Problem solved.)
2. MusicAsis (Twitter Page ): so I'm supposed to believe your virginity was stolen for a wine cooler at a house party. Sit YO ass down!! (Isn't that the way all girls loose their virginity?)
3. tyomomma (Twitter Page): @KimGranatell everytime I see her in a dress that is too short I have stripper pole flashbacks on RHONJ ..mAKES ME WANT TO BARF (Mz. Chick is still pissed at this bitch for that stripper pole "dance."  She knocked over her wine fleeing the room in terror upon seeing that!)
4. MegTheSequel (Twitter Page): What does that mean? LOL Seriously.. I'm not processing more than 3 word sentences. (Don't feel bad, Mz. Chick can't process more than that either.)
5. BravoBitchy1 (Twitter Page): well, if mine doesn't back off he will b dick~less! (Note to men: don't mess with a woman when she has PMS.)
6. kikilet (Twitter Page ): Are you experiencing Transvaginal Mesh Failure? (Mz. Chick is way to drunk to decipher this, however, she laughed herself silly when she read it.)
7. cellabella1 (Twitter Page ): I wish I could smell my elbow. (Mz. Chick is always amused by Cheryl's tweets.  This is, after all, the woman who invented the term "fuckwhores" and uses it to express her amusement.  Cheers, darling!)
8. MarisaGreenLevy (Twitter Page): a blend of narcissistic personality disorder and a bit of a sociopath (Add a liberal dose of red wine and you have just described Mz. Chick perfectly!)
9. LuvToLoveU (Twitter Page): tell me about this Brazilian blow job thingy.  (It involves three midgets and a bottle of red wine.)
10. Mpinkly (Twitter Page): Now I'm confused again. (That is usually Mz. Chick's normal state of mind.)